NEED TO KNOW
- A woman says her father-in-law recently made a joke at a family gathering, and she’s not sure if it was mean-spirited
- The woman, who shared her story on a community forum, said the joke involved her mother-in-law
- For the most part, post commenters said they thought the joke was pretty harmless and that the woman was “reading too much into this”
A woman says she’s unsure whether or not she should be bothered by a joke her father-in-law made, and a lot of people think she’s “overthinking” it.
The woman detailed her story in the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, where women can go to seek advice from other women. In her post, the woman said that her mother-in-law was recently gifted a trip for her birthday.
She went on to say that her father-in-law’s first response to the gift was to jokingly “worry about what he would eat while she is away.”
“Their division of domestic labor in general makes me uncomfortable, but I understand it works for them,” the woman wrote, adding that her mother-in-law always does the cooking.
“He was joking, but I am trying to understand what the joke is,” she continues. “Is it a kind joke, like, ‘I love you and I need you?’ Or an unkind one, like, ‘You are my servant and I resent you taking time off?’ “
“AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to suspect he is being unkind?” she asked at the end of her post.
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Some commenters said that while they didn’t think the joke was meant to be unkind, they could also see why she was bothered by it.
“I think the joke is sort of meant to be self-deprecating. ‘I am useless and unable to cope on my own,’ ” one person said, before adding, “But whenever I have heard men make it, it does seem to have a nasty undercurrent of, ‘How dare you have a life or desires outside of looking after me.’ ”
Another person said, “The ‘joke’ doesn’t sound particularly unkind, it just sounds [like] he is largely thinking of himself. The ‘joke’ might reveal a deep-seated sense of entitlement and inequality in the marriage, but there isn’t really anything you can do about that tbh.”
Others, however, said they thought the woman was overthinking it.
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“You really are reading too much into this,” one person said. “If he said it light-heartedly, then it’s up to [your mother-in-law] to either laugh it off or tell him.”
Another person added, “Honestly OP [original poster], I think you’re overthinking it. If she is in the habit of providing all meals, he probably is just used to that. He may be worrying a bit and made a joke, but is actually feeling a bit anxious about [your mother-in-law] going away if he’s used to them being together all the time.”
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