NEED TO KNOW
- A woman said her daughter-in-law “clearly hates” her as she hasn’t visited since Christmas
- In a Mumsnet post on June 23, she questioned if her daughter-in-law should be accompanying her son on routine visits
- “No children yet, but I suspect in the very near future and I am already upset thinking about how little she will want the children to visit,” the woman fretted
A mother is in turmoil over her relationship with her daughter-in-law.
On Monday, June 23, the mom wrote a Mumsnet post explaining why she’s convinced that her daughter-in-law “hates” her. She said it’s been months since they last saw each other and even that was only because her daughter-in-law and son visited for Christmas.
“I just don’t know if we’re expecting too much, thinking she should visit more when [our] son does,” the mother wrote.
“No children yet, but I suspect in the very near future and I am already upset thinking about how little she will want the children to visit,” she added.
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The mom asked commenters to share how often their child’s spouses visit and if they expect them to always come together.
“Speaking as a DIL [daughter-in-law], when my PILs [parents-in-law] were in good health, we used to visit them as a family (me and DH [dear husband] and our DC [dear children]) once every couple of months,” one person wrote. “Then FIL died 18 months ago and MIL is in poor health and needs more support. So now DH goes more frequently than we used to, but usually on his own. Similarly, I do the lion’s share when it comes to supporting my parents.”
Another commented, “I was in a relationship with or married to DH for 12 years before his mother died. I never met her, even when we lived 90 mins away and DH went to visit. I finally met his father last year (parents were still together).”
A third said, “I like my MIL very much. I don’t go every time my DH goes (live in same city) but often do and she comes to us too. I am not possessive over the kids so if he wants to take them and I can’t go/want to do something else, that’s fine. Same goes for my mum.”
Sharing practical advice, another wrote, “She doesn’t have to like you, I’m afraid. As long as she isn’t actually rude to you, you can’t complain. She may not actively dislike you, you may just not be her kind of person. Don’t nag her or your son unless you want to see him less than you do.”
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Several responses to the post quizzed the mom on whether she had any other reasons why her daughter-in-law might hate her other than the lack of visits.
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The mother commented that she’s never been invited to her son and daughter-in-law’s home because they are always “busy.”
“I was always closest to DS [dear son] as he lived with me the longest! Not anymore. I don’t treat the others differently, if anything DS was the baby!” the mom wrote. “I am closer to my other DIL because they invite me over and I can go and stay the weekend with them, that isn’t my fault.
“There was a minor confusion about something before they got married which was my fault and I took responsibility for but I know she’s taken that as a reason to hate me,” the mom continued. “She wasn’t bothered about me before then though, just used it as a reason.
“When DS lived with me she would pop over all of the time and be very chatty and spend ages talking to me. As soon as he moved out she just wasn’t bothered anymore,” she added.
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