NEED TO KNOW
- A man on Reddit asks for the internet’s opinions after his fiancée suddenly decides she no longer wants to share a last name with him once they get married
- He explains that growing up an orphan made him feel like he didn’t belong in any of his foster families, and sharing one name with his future family is important to him
- In a follow-up post, he details her hurtful explanation as to why she won’t share a last name
A man on Reddit is wondering if he’s in the wrong for being upset his fiancée won’t consider sharing the same last name after they tie the knot.
In a post on Reddit’s r/AmIOverreacting forum, the man explains that his fiancée recently made it clear she had no intentions of taking his last name after their wedding — and was also opposed to the idea of him taking hers.
“At one point I jokingly said something to the effect of ‘We’ll see about that Future Mrs. (my last name)’ and she visibly cringed,” he writes in the post. “She told me she isn’t going to be ‘Mrs. (my last name)’ and I said ‘Okay, then I’ll be Mr. (her last name)’ because I don’t really care if she takes my name or I take hers. I just want to share one. She said ‘No, I’m keeping my name and you can keep yours.’ ”
The 28-year-old poster then asked what last name their kids would have, to which she insisted they would carry her last name, since she’s the mother. The man’s fiancée also shot down his idea to hyphenate their last names.
“For context, I grew up in foster care after both my parents died. I didn’t have any other biological family so I was bounced around from home to home from the ages of 5-18, when I aged out,” he explains.
“I never felt welcome in any of those foster homes and never felt like I had a real family. I always swore I’d have a real family one day though,” he continues. “So naturally I want to share a last name with my wife and our kids. I truly don’t care what name. Mine, hers, a new one we both choose, it doesn’t matter to me. I just want a real family that I feel connected to.”
He further explained he was a bit perplexed at her sudden change of heart, as she’d never expressed her disgust at the idea of sharing a last name during their three years of dating. Though he tried to approach the topic again, she said she “doesn’t want to discuss it further,” leaving him to question if it would be wrong to end their relationship over it.
In a follow-up post, the user explains that he asked his fiancée to meet at a park to talk more, hoping to get some clarity. Unfortunately, it did not go well.
“My friend was with me, but waited in my car so he wouldn’t be spotted. But I did decide to turn on the voice recorder on my phone because in the past she’s manipulated her telling of certain situations to make it seem like she’s blameless,” he starts the post. “I overlooked it before, because I thought she was just used to getting her way. Now I realize that was a mistake on my part.”
When the pair sat down to discuss the matter, he explained his reasoning for wanting to share the same last name, emphasizing his past familial relationships as the primary reason. In response, she “rolled her eyes” and explained she didn’t want to share a last name because it’s “so cringey.”
“I asked her to elaborate on that. She went into a whole rant about how she thinks it’s cheesy when she meets a couple and they introduce themselves as ‘The _____’s’ and that it makes her want to throw up when she hears it, and so many other ways it makes her angry,” he continues.
“When I brought up the fact that her parents have the same last name because they’re married, she said ‘that’s different’ and I ‘wouldn’t understand because of being an orphan’ which really threw me.”
He then asked his fiancée for some time to think things over, though he writes, “I know the relationship [is] over but I haven’t made the break up official yet.”
“It’s going to hurt for a long time, but I know what I need to do for my own mental health,” he continues. “I can compromise on some things, but I can’t be with someone who won’t also compromise.”
In a final update a few days later, the poster confirmed that he “ended the engagement,” which didn’t go over very well with his fiancée, who bombarded his phone with hundreds of texts and calls.
“She refuses to give the ring back because she thinks I’ll ‘come to my senses soon’ and she’ll keep it until then,” he writes. “I don’t even care. She can have it.”
“Her friends and family started calling me within 15 minutes of me ending things. I’ve blocked them all since they’re being nasty to me and blaming me for it all,” he adds. “Judging by what they’re saying, it seems like she made up a story about me having a mental health crisis and wanting to be alone.”
The poster concluded by saying he is “emotionally exhausted” and “hopes she leaves [him] alone” so he “can heal from everything over time.”
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