NEED TO KNOW
- A 16-year-old refuses to adopt his blended family’s hyphenated last name
- His mom and stepdad believe his choice shows rejection toward their family
- The teen, however, says he wants to honor his late father by keeping the original name
A teenager turns to the Reddit community for advice following ongoing tension in his blended family over his last name.
The 16-year-old, who shares his story on the popular platform, reveals that he’s the only member of his household who doesn’t use the family’s hyphenated name — and he doesn’t plan to start anytime soon.
“My mom has asked me about 5 times since she remarried to change my last name but I still say no,” he writes, noting that he only uses his dad’s last name, “Doe,” rather than the new one combining the two households, “Jones-Smith.”
His resistance to adopting the hyphenated name has caused strain with his mother and stepfather, especially since everyone else in the house — including his half and stepsiblings — embraces the combined identity.
Giving more context, the teen noted that his parents split when he was a toddler and his dad died when he was 7. His mom remarried when he was 11, bringing her new husband and his three kids into the picture, who mostly stay with them rather than their biological mother.
The last name issue came to a head shortly after the marriage, when his mom chose to keep her surname to match her younger children. “Instead they hyphenated both and some of the kids changed theirs too,” he writes. “The others didn’t but they use the family name anyway.”
While the poster didn’t want to change their last name, they offered to make the hyphenated option their “middle name,” but their mom still wasn’t satisfied.
“She said she didn’t like me being the only person not connected in and rejecting the family name,” he writes. “She told me that she knows I don’t really like her husband… but he’s a good guy and a better dad than my half siblings dads.”
The teen, however, stands firm in honoring the name he shares with his late father. “I told her I was good and I wanted to keep using my name,” he writes, noting that his father was also a good man and was in his life “until he died.”
Things escalated during a family outing when they attended a workshop and were asked to create “family crests.” He made one for his last name while everyone else did one for the hyphenated name.
His stepfather told him that he “should’ve done one” for the family name, too, because “it was a family experience.” When his mom asked if he “wanted to go back and do another one,” he declined.
That night, tensions boiled over. His mother and her husband confronted him again about his choice to stick with his dad’s last name. “They told me I don’t need to be so rigid about the name and that never using it just makes it look like I hate all of them,” he shares.
According to the teen, things got more intense when his mother reminded him she could have legally changed his name without his input. “Mom told me she could have changed my name without my permission but she tried to work with me and I spat in her face right back,” he says. “I told her I could just change it back eventually if she had done that.”
That response didn’t sit well with them. “They looked upset that I said it but it’s true,” he continues, noting that they insisted his choosing the other last name was a “bad” thing.
Regardless, many commenters sided with the teen, pointing out that it’s his name and his choice.
One Redditor wrote, “NTA, it’s your name, apart from the legacy of your father who you’ve loved and who has loved you from your words, it’s also a huge hassle to change the name on all official documents and stuff like that.”
The original poster adds that he’s also heard how legally “risky” name changes can be in general. “I’ve also heard it’s really risky now to change your name multiple times,” he writes. “And I would always change it back eventually if mom had mine changed against my wishes.”
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He finishes his post by standing his ground and questioning the emotional weight others have placed on a name he never wanted. “I’m not sure what it is that makes it such a risk/pain,” he says. “But I see people talking about it and warning women getting married to keep their own names because of legal issues with changing them.”
With his family pushing for unity through a shared name, the teen turns to Reddit simply asking: “AITA for never using the family last name and only using mine.”
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