NEED TO KNOW
- Etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore weighed in on the viral trend on TikTok of cake smashing after a wedding
- She notes that both grooms and brides do it, though if a bride does it, there’s a different set of etiquette rules to follow
- She also shared her own insight into the matter and gave some advice for couples ahead of their wedding reception
The age-old wedding cake debate — of whether to smash it or not — just got an expert’s verdict.
The viral trend has fueled fiery online debates — with TikToks showing everything from brides dodging cake by bending over backwards to grooms chasing their new wives across the room just to land the smash.
In some cases, these cake smashes have even ended in disaster or divorce. One person shared on Reddit that a groom shoved a forkful of wedding cake into his bride’s face, causing her to get injured, and the pair divorced months later.
According to etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore, founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, there are a few not-so-sweet reasons behind the messy tradition.
“Why do grooms do it? Three reasons come to mind: Peer pressure, they saw someone else do it and thought it was funny, or they are just plain stupid or vindictive,” Whitmore says.
She warns that what might seem like a funny moment could actually spoil the day in more ways than one — and could end up costing the bride much more than initially thought.
“They run the risk of ruining the bride’s hair and make-up. And this will be the end of all the beautiful pictures,” she explains.
She adds, “They run the risk of ruining or soiling the bride’s gown.”
The trend isn’t one-sided either, as clips have surfaced of brides being the ones to start the frosting fight, like in this TikTok video where a bride smashes a piece of cake on her groom’s face. But Whitmore notes the dynamic shifts a bit when the tables are turned.
“Having said that, if the cake smashing is started by the bride, it’s free game for the groom to reciprocate,” she says. “And even if she does start it, it’s often easier for a groom to clean up versus a bride. So don’t do it.”
Whitmore isn’t the only one who has scrutinized the trend. Several people who have left comments on cake-smashing TikToks have noted that they believed the trend was “disrespectful” to their partner.
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One woman wrote on the TikTok video of the bride smashing cake on her husband’s face, “I don’t think it’s cool for a man or woman [to do this]. It’s not just about the hair and makeup [and] the dress. It’s a total sign of disrespect.” Others added that they would file for “divorce.”
When it comes to her own stance on the cake-smashing trend, Whitmore suggests it’s best to skip the mess altogether.
“Final thoughts: I say, ‘Take the high road, grab a fork or use your fingers, and feed your spouse the cake instead of smashing [it] in their face,’ ” she says.
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