- A bridesmaid is asking whether she’s in the wrong after telling her friend who is getting married that she wants to get her own accommodation and sleep away from the rest of the group at her upcoming bachelorette party
- In a Reddit post, the friend explained how the bride told her she was “sad and disappointed” about the whole thing
- “Personally I feel this whole thing has been blown way out of proportion, and selfishly I really don’t see what all the fuss is about – I’d literally be sleeping separately, and that’s it,” the bridesmaid wrote
A bride’s friend is questioning whether she’s in the wrong after saying that she wanted to get her own accommodation for the bachelorette party.
In a post on Reddit’s popular “Am I the A——” forum, the poster, who is a bridesmaid at her friend’s upcoming nuptials, explained how she’s due to attend the long weekend gathering in the fall. However, she wasn’t expecting the reaction she got when she mentioned that she’d rather sleep separately to the rest of the group.
“I’m trying to be better in standing up for myself and saying no to things I don’t want to do / cut things out of my life that don’t serve me, so I asked if I could sleep in separate accommodation to the rest of the group (instead of staying in the apartment with 10+ beds) but still be fully participating and setting up/facilitating group activities,” the Reddit user explained.
She insisted she’d arrange the accommodation herself and would still contribute her share of the bride’s costs, adding that having her “own space” over the weekend would mean she’d be a “nicer person for everyone,” especially seeing as she’s got “busy working weeks either side of the party.”
The poster wrote, “Hell we’re all working women in our 30s, and I don’t have endless vacation days to take in order to make this feel manageable! (I find these mixing pot parties with guests that are essentially strangers extremely difficult and tiring).”
The user said that the maid of honor had “expressed that she’s disappointed in this decision, saying that she doesn’t think that’s what the bride would want, and that it makes the costs higher for the others involved,” so she spoke to the bride, given that she knew “they’d been talking about it” anyway.
“Initially she seemed chill about it – but has since rescinded, and now tells me the decision makes her feel sad and disappointed, and that she doesn’t like the idea of one of her bridesmaids not participating fully in the weekend (not once have I said that I don’t want to get involved / participate),” the Reddit user wrote, insisting that the response felt “like a bit of emotional blackmail and a bit of a threat.”
“Personally I feel this whole thing has been blown way out of proportion, and selfishly I really don’t see what all the fuss is about – I’d literally be sleeping separately, and that’s it. Would I be the AH if I stand my ground, and in extremis, to withdraw entirely? (Do real friends try and push boundaries like this?),” she questioned.
In the comments section, most people sided with the poster.
“It’s perfectly reasonable to prioritize your comfort, and you’re still participating in the important parts of the event. Your personal space matters, and it’s unfair for them to make you feel guilty for wanting that,” one person wrote.
Another commenter posted, “You’re not the AH for wanting your own space to recharge and be your best self. You’re still fully participating and covering costs, so it’s a fair boundary to set. Taking care of yourself helps you show up better for everyone!”
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However, one person pointed out, “Any girl that has been picked up early from a sleepover early knows a lot of the giggling and bonding happens in the wee hours … You might just have to shake off the bride’s disappointment. She isn’t wrong for expressing it and you aren’t wrong for holding your boundary.”
A different Reddit user asked, “You can’t be slightly uncomfortable for one weekend?” before adding in the comments, “It’s a small ask the bride is making. She wants this group to be together for one weekend.”
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