A bride says her fiancé’s family members are “declining” to attend their upcoming wedding because they’re not happy about the dress code.
In a post on Reddit’s “Wedding Planning” forum, the bride shared a screenshot of text messages that her fiancé received from his mother. One read, “Ryan’s reason for not being able to attend and [probably] some others is the dress code. Just letting you know.”
A follow-up message said: “I have a few saying they don’t have proper dress attire and would never wear what they bought if they went.”
To provide context on the situation, the bride noted that the wedding date is April 17, the day before Good Friday, and also shared a screenshot of the dress code details provided to guests on the couple’s wedding website.
Women were instructed to wear “tea length, midi or full length dresses or a dressy jumpsuit/set.” The couple noted that “spring/summer colors” and floral patterns, frills and ruffles are “highly encouraged,” though they requested that women avoid wearing anything white, cream or ivory as those hues are “reserved for the bride.”
As for the men, the couple has told them “it’s the perfect moment to dress up” with their partner. “We ask for no denim or ball caps,” they wrote. “A nice dress shirt and trousers will do — maybe a cute floral tie for bonus points!”
To help their guests understand their vision, the couple also provided a series of inspiration photos of pastel-colored outfits that would fit the theme.
Continuing her post, the bride admitted that she is “kinda shocked” by guests’ reactions to the dress guidelines. “Didn’t think they would take it like this,” she wrote.
The bride went on to argue that she and her fiancé are paying for the wedding themselves and spending a lot of money so they “don’t want jeans.”
Now, she is asking fellow Redditors to weigh in with their opinions, writing: “Please be honest if what I put was offensive or absurd.”
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In the comments, some people assured the bride that she and her fiancé were not asking anything extreme of their guests.
“ ‘No ball caps nor jeans’ is pretty much the lowest, most minimal dress code I could possibly imagine,” one comment read. “I can’t imagine not owning 1 pair of slacks/chinos/khakis/*something* for funerals, weddings, date night, etc. or if I didn’t, I can’t imagine putting up such a fuss about buying a pair. They can shop online, clearance sales.”
Others, however, suggested that guests might have been put off by the inspiration photos.
“The [dress code] words are mostly okay, but the moment I saw the mood board I instantly knew I didn’t have anything that would match and felt an internal groan,” one person wrote. “I think you should focus solely on the fact that you want cocktail attire rather than specific colors because your message is getting muddled.”
Another agreed, commenting, “The mood board/floral tie/color criteria are off-putting and are likely distracting people from the fact you’re simply requesting trousers + a dress shirt (a very reasonable request).”
The previous commenter suggested a possible solution: “I think describing what you want as ‘Easter best’ might get the point across without seeming too restrictive.”
Someone else shared the opinion that it’s perfectly acceptable to give general guidelines on attire for guests, but getting too specific about colors and details is taking it too far.
“I’m not a fan of this new trend of trying to impose color palettes on guests,” they wrote. “I think anything beyond assigning the level of formality, and asking people to not wear white/ivory/cream, is asking a lot of guests and makes them feel like accessories.”
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