Rosie O’Donnell’s Friendship With Lyle Menendez Explained: Why They Connected, Weekly Calls, More

Rosie O’Donnell and Lyle Menendez have a very special friendship.

The pair, who first crossed paths in 1996 after Lyle wrote a letter to O’Donnell thanking her for advocating for himself and his brother Erik Menendez, have grown especially close in the years since they reconnected in 2022. O’Donnell has continued to advocate for the release of both Menendez brothers, who are currently serving life in prison without the possibility of parole for the 1989 murder of their parents, José Menendez and Mary Louise “Kitty” Menendez.

In an interview published on Saturday, April 26, O’Donnell told Page Six that she speaks with Lyle “about two or three times a week.” And though the actress is convinced the brothers will be released “soon,” she added, “I think it’s the only way that you can love and care for someone who’s serving life without parole, is to have endless hope and believe in their ability to get out of this really inhumane sentence.”

The pair’s friendship has extended to personal aspects of O’Donnell’s life as well.

“[Lyle] has helped me a lot. If it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t have [my child’s service] dog,” O’Donnell exclusively told Us Weekly when discussing her Hulu documentary special Unleashing Hope: The Power of Service Dogs for Children With Autism on April 22. “While I was really trying to decide whether it was morally right for me to apply [for a service dog] he would say, ‘I’ve been talking to you for two years. I hear Clay every night.’ Because we shared a bed at the time and they would talk on the phone as well. He understood how challenging it can be and said, ‘This is something that will help them and will help you too.’”

Here is a look at the friendship between Rosie O’Donnell and Lyle Menendez.

Rosie O’Donnell and Lyle Menendez first connected in 1996

The friendship between O’Donnell and Menendez dates all the way back to the mid-1990s. During an interview on Larry King Live, O’Donnell said she believed the Menendez brothers acted in self-defense when they killed their parents. Lyle later sent her a letter thanking her for the support, though O’Donnell didn’t respond right away. In October 2024, she told Variety she decided against speaking to Lyle on the advice of Barbara Walters, who told her, “Ignore him, he’s a murderer. He’s very cunning.’”

They began to speak on the phone in 2022

In fact, the friendship didn’t begin in earnest until 2022, after O’Donnell watched a documentary about the brothers and then spoke about it on TikTok. Lyle’s wife Rebecca Sneed contacted O’Donnell. One thing led to another, and according to O’Donnell the pair’s first phone call lasted three hours.

O’Donnell traveled to prison to meet Lyle in 2023

The relationship between the pair continued to grow, and in 2023 O’Donnell visited both brothers in prison. “I saw Lyle and gave him a hug,” she told Variety. “Then Erik came over to me, hugged me, and whispered in my ear, ‘Thank you for loving my brother.’ It was very, very moving to me.”

The actress feels like a “big sister”

Variety also asked O’Donnell if she feels like a sort of mother to both Menendez brothers, but she likened their dynamic to something more like a sibling relationship. “I feel like a big sister in a way. Lyle is one of the most lauded prisoners in the California prison system. You can’t ignore that,” she explained.

“If he was sort of the psycho who was screaming at everyone and a maniac, would he have done hospice for the dying prisoners? Would he have done all of the things that he did that allowed him to finally get moved from San Francisco down to his brother because he had ten years straight without one infraction? Nobody can mask their mental illness that much in 35 years. To be the extraordinary inmates that they both are is pretty damning testimony as well.”

Lyle Menendez helped O’Donnell “love a straight man”

O’Donnell has been open about Lyle’s enormous impact on her life. In an interview published in the New York Times on April 12, O’Donnell said Lyle has given her a new sense of security. “He started calling me on a regular basis from the tablet phone thing they have,” she explained. “He would tell me about his life, what he’s been doing in prison and, for the first time in my life, I felt safe enough to trust and be vulnerable and love a straight man.”