NEED TO KNOW
- A man plans to take his daughter to Hawaii without his wife due to her intense fear of flying
- His wife says being separated from their daughter for that long worsens her anxiety
- The father believes it’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance and is prioritizing his daughter’s experience
A man turns to the Reddit community for advice following a tense disagreement with his wife about an upcoming family trip to Hawaii.
The post, titled “AITAH for telling my wife my daughter and I are going on vacation with or without her,” reveals a deeply emotional conflict that has left the poster torn between his wife’s mental health struggles and his daughter’s chance to make lasting memories.
“I (45m) and my wife (40f) (married 15 years) have not had a great relationship with my family,” he shares, explaining the backdrop to a rare opportunity that recently came their way. A family trip to Hawaii, with airfare and lodging completely covered, is on the table — leaving them only responsible for food, activities and transportation.
The couple’s 6-year-old daughter, who will be 7 by the time of the trip, is particularly excited. “She loves everybody, and especially one of the cousins that would be going on the trip,” he writes.
But despite initially agreeing to join, his wife’s fear of flying has become overwhelming. “A week after saying she would go [she] started having panic attacks and crying fits because she ‘cannot do this long of a flight,’ ” he reveals.
Understanding her struggle, he tells her it’s okay not to go — but he and their daughter still plan to. “I tell her that is fine, however, our daughter and I are going because this is my last opportunity to go and may be our daughter’s only chance,” he explains.
His wife is not okay with that decision, expressing distress over being separated from their daughter. “Wife says she cannot go that long without our daughter which causes her more anxiety,” he adds.
Trying to find a solution, he suggests she speak to a doctor about temporary medication to manage the anxiety. “I suggested going to the doctor to ask for medication to help with the flight when it happens (March),” he shares. “But she is suffering now,” and when he mentions asking for medication in the short term, she pushes back.
“She says that she would then have anxiety about the withdrawal symptoms of coming off those medications after the trip,” he writes, highlighting the layers of fear she’s experiencing.
Caught in the middle, the husband makes what he calls the only firm decision he’s made like this in their relationship. “This is really the only time I have made a decision like this and was unwilling to move off of it,” he says.
His heart breaks for his wife, but his mind is focused on what he believes is best for their child. “I feel horrible for my wife but I also believe it’s best for my daughter,” he shares, clearly struggling with guilt.
The Reddit community quickly responds with sympathy and support for his dilemma, with one commenter writing, “NTA. Her anxiety is a real issue, but it’s not fair for her to hold your daughter back from a once-in-a-lifetime experience.”
Another user adds a more measured take, validating the wife’s emotional state but pushing for solutions. “Your wife’s anxiety is valid but she’s had plenty of time to address it before the trip in March,” the commenter notes.
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Offering a practical suggestion, the same user says, “Maybe suggest your wife talk to a therapist who specializes in flight anxiety rather than just medication?” They point out that therapy can often offer targeted techniques that may help.
Above all, both commenters agree that the daughter shouldn’t miss out because her mother refuses help. “Don’t let your daughter miss out on memories she could cherish forever just because your wife refuses to get help for her anxiety,” one writes.
The husband ends his post on a note of concern, still hoping his wife may decide to join them. “Should I keep the tickets hoping she will go with us and if she doesn’t go keep in contact with her via FaceTime and pictures?” he asks.
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