‘Big Family, Big City’ Star Amber de la Mottes Recalls Feeling ‘Brainwashed’ by Conservative Church

The de la Mottes family is still processing their 15 years as members of their conservative church.

“[It felt like we were] brainwashed members of a cult,” Amber de la Motte shared on TLC’s Big Family, Big City on Tuesday, February 25, adding that it took them a long time to “figure out.”

Amber’s husband, Marc de la Motte, noted that being members of the Independent Fundamental Baptist Church is “kind of like the frog in the kettle.”

“You know, you don’t realize the water is getting hot until you’re boiling,” he explained.

The de la Mottes family are the stars of Big Family, Big City, which aired as a special on TLC on Tuesday. The special followed Amber, Marc and their 11 kids as they moved from the San Diego suburbs to New York City.

Big Family, Big City also touched on their time in the Independent Fundamental Baptist Church, which Amber shared was “old fashioned” and “untouched by worldly influences.”

“Women were supposed to be quiet and subservient in every way,” Amber said on the show, sharing that some of the rules included women wearing skirts below their knees and no rock music.

Marc went on to explain that the family’s move to New York was their attempt at “trying to find their own way” outside of the church and have “new experiences within reason.”

Although Amber and Marc chose to part ways with their church, they still adhere to some of the traditional rules, especially surrounding a woman’s role in the family.

In Tuesday’s episode, Amber discussed her desire for her daughters Pearl and Naomi to “have a husband … who’s interested in providing for you … [and a] family” when they’re older.

“You will find your fulfillment being a wife and a mother,” Amber explained. “There’s a lot of things you can do from home when you’re ready to start a family, that would help support what your husband’s doing.”

Amber’s daughter Pearl pushed back, noting that having a family doesn’t mean she can’t pursue her musical career.

“When I have a family, I don’t want to put aside my musical career for the sake of the kids,” she shared. “It does seem a little strange to me that at the first baby, she would want me to drop my musical career that she’s put every bit of her life into [and] had the family move cross country [for].”

In a confessional, Amber added that if one of her girls “decided to pursue a career and not have a family,” she would feel like she failed.

“At a core level that’s a woman’s nature,” she noted.

Big Family, Big City is streaming on Discovery+.