A man says his ex-wife thinks he’s being “too hard” on their daughter after she took her step-sister’s prized necklace without asking and then nearly lost it.
The man detailed the situation on Reddit’s “Am I the A——’ forum, explaining that he has two daughters from a previous marriage — “Rose (15) and Nicole (13)” and a step-daughter, “Becca (16)” with his current wife.
The Reddit user said that Becca’s father is largely absent, and because of this, her late grandfather “played a big role in her life” before he passed away several years ago. “It was very hard on Becca, and though she’s doing better, she still carries that loss. I’ve stepped up as a father figure, and we’re very close,” he added.
The man continued to note that Becca has a necklace with her grandfather’s wedding ring on it that was gifted to her by her mother when she was 13. “She wears it only on special occasions or when she wants to feel close to him,” the original poster (OP) explained. He added that his daughter Rose has asked to borrow the necklace in the past, but Becca refused and “Rose seemed to respect that.”
The OP then said that the incident in question occurred “last week, after Rose and Nicole returned to their mom’s.” He added: “Becca noticed her necklace was missing. She was frantic, insisting she hadn’t taken it out since a dance a month ago but had seen it in her jewelry box since then.”
He continued: “While searching, Nicole called, overheard the situation, and passed the phone to Rose. Rose hesitated but eventually admitted she had borrowed it for an upcoming date.”
The OP said that he told his daughter that she needed to return the necklace “immediately” and that it was wrong for her to “steal it.” However, when he went to his ex’s home to retrieve the necklace, he claimed that Rose, “looking embarrassed,” told him that “she couldn’t find it.”
He said that he and Rose proceeded to search “everywhere” for the lost piece of jewelry, including “her room, bag, my car, and her mom’s house.” He additionally shared that at this point, Becca was furious and distraught; she called Rose a “brat” and said “she’d never forgive her if it wasn’t found.”
At this point, the OP says that Rose was “crying” and looked to him for support, “but I just told her to keep looking and hope we found it.”
The man highlighted that they did finally find the necklace and that while Rose “kept apologizing,” he grounded her and reiterated that what she had done “wasn’t okay.” He said that Rose also called Becca to personally apologize, but “Becca said she would never trust her again.” The OP shared that they have since gotten Becca a “locking jewelry box and a door lock at her request.”
The man shared that his ex-wife thinks that he was “too hard on Rose” and that he should have comforted her based on the fact that she, too, was in distress over the situation.
“She says Rose is just a teen who made a mistake,” he explained.
However, the Redditor shared that he disagrees with his ex-wife’s assessment, writing: “This wasn’t a simple mistake—she knew the necklace’s importance, was told not to take it, and nearly lost it. […] I told Rose I love her, but any more comforting would be coddling, and she needs to learn from this.”
The man concluded his post by noting that his current wife, Becca, and even his youngest daughter, Nicole, agree with his approach, but is still left wondering whether he’s the “a——.”
The post garnered over 450 comments in less than 24 hours, with many Redditors reassuring the man that he had perfectly handled the difficult family situation.
“NTA [not the a——],” wrote one commenter. “Rose is more than old enough to know what she did was very wrong. And she compounded that by being careless with the necklace when she knew how much it meant to Becca. Absolute kudos to you for the way you handled this.”
Another agreed, writing: “NTA. Rose knowingly took something deeply sentimental without permission and nearly lost it. She needed to face the consequences of her actions. You didn’t yell at her or shame her, but you made it clear that trust was broken. Comforting her too much in that moment would have minimized the impact of what she did. She’ll learn from this.”
One commenter, however, said that while she agrees that Rose needs to learn from her mistake, it’s not necessarily a bad thing to comfort someone when they are truly upset — even when they are the one who screwed up.
The commenter went on to say that if it was one of her children, she “might hug them and tell them I love them no matter” and save the serious discussions for when they’ve “calmed down enough to have a productive talk.”
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