Planning a family vacation can be tough. Especially when you can’t even decide on the guest list.
A man wrote on Reddit’s “Am I The A——?” forum that he is “increasingly perturbed” by his mother-in-law’s insistence on inviting her own friends to their annual family vacation. “Each year, my wife and I rent a large beach house and invite along family for a vacation getaway. We’re spending about the same as we would on a two-person international vacation, with the added benefit that we get to share it with our mothers. I also invite a close friend of mine who is more or less family at this point. This year, some additional family from my side are attending,” he shared.
Over the years, he continued, his mother-in-law has become “increasingly vocal” about inviting along a couple that she and her partner are close friends with. This year is no different. “We do not know these people. More importantly, my wife seems worried that this will detract from quality time with her mother. I’m told she voiced this to her mother weeks ago, and we thought that was the end of it,” he wrote.
But his mother-in-law brought it up yet again, making him and wife feel pressured to make a choice. “My wife is distraught that her mother is pressing it, and I’m increasingly perturbed with this insistence of inviting someone that we don’t even know on a vacation that we’re paying for,” he said. The man added that he can tell that his mother-in-law’s “guilt trip” is affecting his wife.
“But in my mind, [my wife] made her decision when she put this to rest with her mother weeks ago — that she wants to keep that time within the family.” Before he bypassed his wife and reached out to his mother-in-law directly, the man asked the forum for their thoughts on the matter.
In the comments, most everyone agreed that he should at least consult his wife again before reaching out or let her handle it. One person summed up the forum’s sentiment on that matter by writing, “What does your wife want you to do? She has already set a boundary. If she wants you to reach out then do it. If she wants you to stay out of it do that.”
But opinions about whether the mother-in-law was wrong to ask for her friends to come along in the first place were strong and varied. Many felt that the mother-in-law was indeed being presumptuous.
“If [your mother-in-law] wants to share a beach house with another couple, they can rent one for their own vacation. It sounds like your mother-in-law values the free destination more than quality time with family. Only the host should be extending invitations. If [she] brings it up again I would send her links to other rentals in the area,” someone suggested. They added, “And tell her perhaps you can grab dinner while you’re all at the beach.”
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Others wondered if something else wasn’t going on that made his mother-in-law feel like she needed some friends around. “Maybe her mom asking to bring friends is a hint that not everyone is having a great time,” someone suggested. Another person offered, “Maybe your mother-in-law is taking liberties and needs [to be] shut down. But maybe reflect on what her time in the house is like and if she’s trying to salvage what should be her vacation too,” they noted.
The OP updated his post and thanked people for their suggestions and advice. He wrote that his takeaways were to “stay out of it until asked to do otherwise” and work with his wife to “understand more of the ‘why’ [his] mother-in-law feels like this is so important.”
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