NEED TO KNOW
- A man says that his brother always “needlessly complicates” group trips
- Because of this, he decided to exclude him from a group chat about 2027 vacation logistics for a trip he’s organizing with his cousins
- The man shared his story on a popular Reddit forum, where people were divided over whether he made the right call
A man says he plans to exclude his brother from a group cousins’ trip — but he’s not entirely sure it’s the right thing to do.
The man detailed his situation on the popular Reddit forum “Am I the A——?,” a place where Reddit users can go to seek advice about interpersonal dilemmas. In his post, he explained that his brother “always needlessly complicates things for the family whenever we plan things.”
He explained that he is currently attempting to plan “an all-inclusive” cousins’ trip at a resort for 2027 and said that all of the cousins are on board for the resort idea… with the exception of his brother and his brother’s partner, who would prefer to do a cruise.
“A few of my cousins were okay with doing a cruise, but half of us didn’t want to do it, and one of our cousins said she wouldn’t come if we did […] it,” the original poster said.
The Redditor said that his brother then suggested hotels or an Airbnb instead of a resort and that he “wanted to set up a joint bank account so it would make everyone obligated to put money into the fund to prove they were really going on the trip.”
The man went on to say that he suspects his brother — who is currently unemployed — is attempting to cut potential costs. However, he also thinks his brother’s suggestions are “unnecessary” and are how their family trips “die.”
He added that he recently found out that his brother had been attempting to sell other family members on the cruise idea, despite the fact that many of the cousins had already said that they weren’t interested.
“This ticked me off,” he continued, “So I decided to make a separate family group chat excluding my brother.”
He said he plans to tell his brother about the separate group chat “when all of the planning is finished,” but he’s not sure he made the right call.
A number of the man’s fellow Reddit users said they didn’t think he should feel bad about excluding his brother, given the specifics of the situation.
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“NTA [not the a——],” one person said. “My wife and I are currently planning a trip for next year, so we let my siblings know in case they wanted to join us. My brother’s family is able to make it, but my sister’s family cannot. And … that was it! My sister wished us well and asked us all to send pictures, no drama or manipulation. Hopefully, we’ll all be able to sync up for a trip later, but this one didn’t work for everyone, and that’s okay.”
“Tell your brother that the plan has been decided, and it’s a resort [and] there’s nothing further to discuss. You understand that this might not suit him this year, so you’ll understand if he declines. Ask him whether he accepts the invitation with these parameters and explicitly explain that if he doesn’t or tries to change anything, he will not be welcome this year,” someone else recommended.
One person, however, said that while they understood the man’s frustration, they also didn’t think that a new group chat was the best way to handle the situation.
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“ESH [everyone sucks here],” they said. “I agree that your brother is being annoying. If your brother would rather do a cruise, he can go and do that on his own. When you’re part of a group trip, you go with what the group decides […]. That having been said, you should keep him in the group chat until he makes that decision for himself.”
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