NEED TO KNOW
- A pregnant woman is asking if she’s wrong for not wanting her 4-year-old daughter to join the soccer team
- While she agreed that she’s being selfish for wanting to sleep in, she also shared that she’s “being strategic” with her time, noting that she’s “at my personal capacity”
- The expectant mom also argues that there is plenty of time for her daughter to choose a sport or extracurricular
A pregnant woman is asking if she’s wrong for not wanting her 4-year-old daughter to join the soccer team because she doesn’t want to wake up early every Saturday.
In a post on the AITA subreddit, the original poster (OP) said that her husband thinks she’s being selfish for wanting to sleep in on Saturdays. While she agreed that she’s being selfish, she also shared that she’s “being strategic” with her time.
“I’m a mom of two 4 and under. Currently 5months pregnant. Im a kindergarten teacher and I have narcolepsy, so needless to say I’m tired all the time,” she wrote. “Saturday is the one day in my week where there are no set plans and I like it that way.”
“Why do I need to ruin the one day I get to choose what I want to do, just so my 4 year old who probably won’t know what she is missing can go play a sport she probably isn’t ready to play anyway,” she asked.
The mom of two went on to say that her daughter has years to start an extracurricular and that she doesn’t see the point in her having to choose one now.
“I just don’t see the point right now other than to stress me out even more than I already am,” she wrote. “Point blank I’m just tired and don’t want to so I can’t even say it’s not selfish, but we are [allowed] to be selfish on some things and I feel justified because I’m at my personal capacity.”
OP explained that she can’t lean on her husband to help bring their daughter to practices and games because he works on the weekends. She also added that the family lives in a hot state, which means she’d have to spend more time outside.
“My husband won’t even be able to help with every game because he sometimes works weekend, so no I’m not interested in putting my kids in sports right now because I will likely flake on those days he works,” she explained. “Also we live in a very hot state, [and] I have zero interest in spending more time outside than I have to.”
The expectant mother said her husband wants their toddler to join an extracurricular activity, saying it will help her socialize and be active. However, OP emphasized that she’d rather her daughter get those things in other ways.
“I’d rather help her socialize through play dates not a weekly commitment to be on a team,” she wrote, concluding the post with reactions from her other family members. “My in laws have made it clear they agree that it would be good for her and I’m being unfair. My family thinks it’s not that important right now at 4 but say she would have fun.”
The majority of commenters agreed that OP wasn’t in the wrong and that she has every right to take that time for herself.
“If your husband or in laws think it’s that important, they can take her. I’m sure she’d have fun and it’d help her learn instruction and structured play, which is great! But she’ll be better off having a mom who’s as rested as possible with two small children and a pregnancy,” one user wrote.
“I have two under three and just being pregnant with one toddler was like living in zombie mode for 9 months,” they continued. “Can’t imagine another one in the mix. Take care of yourself so that you can give your babies the best version of you.”
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Another user agreed with the mother encouraging her to keep her mental and physical health strong.
“Your mental and physical health being strong will make you the best mother you can be, and that is ALWAYS best for your kids. Way more important than one extracurricular,” they wrote. “If it’s really important to your husband (uhhhhh not the person CREATING A HUMAN???) then he can adjust his work schedule. I commend you for speaking up for your own physical/mental health – it’s so hard to do for mothers.”
Other users thought that the mother was in the wrong for not putting her children’s needs before her own.
“There is a wide explantation about why the mom doesn’t want to bring the kid to soccer games, but there is no mention about the kid’s needs and desires and very little about the point of view of the father,” one commenter wrote. “You are exhausted. I wouldn’t be surprised if the father doesn’t believe that you are going to set play dates instead of just stay at home resting.”
“Do the kid need learning social skills? Is she getting enough physical activity during the week? And no, kindergarten is not enough. They need physical activity every day outside of school,” they continued. “For the lack of relevant info and for making it all about you. YTA.”
In agreement, another user wrote that the mom of two was making the situation solely about herself.
“Please re-read your post. Every single thing you have written is “I want, I need, I think, I feel, I choose, my week”. Your entire post is ‘me, me, me,’ ” they wrote. “Not a word about what is best for your daughter, or any suggestion of a possible solution.”
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