NEED TO KNOW
- A woman is unsure if she should let her 15-year-old daughter learn to drive before her 16-year-old son
- The woman says her daughter is the more responsible and motivated sibling, but she worries the decision could “crush” her son
- She shared her story on a popular community forum in order to seek advice about how she should handle the situation
A woman is wondering if she should let her 15-year-old daughter learn to drive before her unmotivated 16-year-old son.
The woman detailed her story on the popular Reddit forum, “Am I the A——?”, a place where Reddit users go to seek advice on a variety of interpersonal dilemmas. In her post, the woman explained that her teen son is extremely unmotivated in most areas of life.
“[He] nearly failed freshman year of high school, shows little inclination to do anything else other than play video games, […] has been kicked out of various extracurricular activities for his poor attitude and unwillingness to participate (even though he signed up for [them],” she began, adding that he “doesn’t seem to show any accountability for his actions.”
The woman additionally said that her son is currently in therapy to help him work through his current issues
In contrast, the woman said that her daughter “is pretty much firing on all cylinders.”
“Academics are 90+. Fantastic attitude. Involved in extracurriculars. Very well-rounded. Makes mature decisions (for a 15-year-old). This is one I can rely on if something has to be done,” she added.
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The original poster (OP) said she is now facing a parental conundrum: her daughter will soon be old enough to get her learner’s permit — but that would mean she would get her driver’s license before her older brother.
While the OP says her son has not shown any particular “inclination” or interest towards driving, she also said she can’t help but worry about “the possible mental damage” the whole situation could have on him.
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“Maybe times are different, but I can imagine this would absolutely crush his own feelings of self-worth and create animosity between the siblings,” she said, before adding, “But I [also] don’t think it is reasonable to just hand him this privilege that requires some amount of accountability and maturity otherwise.”
She continued, “I guess the question [is]: [Am I the a——] if I let my ‘mature’ daughter drive before my immature son […]?”
The vast majority of commenters agreed that the woman should not feel guilty about letting her daughter get her permit if she shows interest in driving, while her older sibling does not.
“Okay, first of all, the older one can’t be handed anything in this scenario. He’s the one controlling whether or not he can drive by showing absolutely no interest in learning,” one person said.
They continued, “But most importantly, do not shackle one child because the [other] sibling demonstrates little motivation to obtain his driver’s license. That’s a fast track to resentment. Holding the younger [child] back will definitely create animosity for her older sibling.”
The same person added, “Bottom line? YWBTA [you would be the a——] if you prevented the younger sibling from learning to drive to ‘protect’ the feelings of the older sibling.”
“If he isn’t doing what he needs to do to get a permit, then the decision is out of your hands anyway. You can’t take the tests for him. NTA [not the a——],” said someone else.
If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.
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