NEED TO KNOW
- Over time, one woman realized her mother-in-law liked to pick favorites
- She noticed that this habit often upset the children who were being ranked
- Now she fears her newborn daughter could be affected by the favoritism and feels deeply unhappy about it
Family dynamics can get messy, especially when favoritism comes into play.
For one new mother, becoming part of her husband’s family came with an unexpected challenge: navigating her mother-in-law’s obsession with announcing her “favorite” grandchildren.
According to the Reddit user, shortly after giving birth to her daughter a year ago, she started to notice a pattern. Her mother-in-law didn’t merely hint at having preferences – she openly declared them.
“She always tells people how she’s more fond of her other daughter in law (let’s call her kate), which I kind of get because kate’s been in the family for like 15 years and has three boys,” the woman wrote.
“She keeps telling me that my daughter is her favourite grandchild for now, then she’ll add something like ‘but when kate has a daughter, ohhhhhh she’ll be my number one’ and she says it so casually, like it’s totally normal to say that to a new mom,” she added.
The casualness of these remarks made them sting even more, especially when her mother-in-law emphasized that she was “waiting very patiently” for Kate to have a girl because that child would hold “a special place in her heart.”
What made the situation more troubling was that this behavior sometimes affected the grandchildren.
The mother-in-law frequently ranked them out loud, even telling one child directly that they weren’t her favorite – an admission that led to tears because the little one “felt they weren’t loved by her.”
While the mother understands people “naturally bond differently with different family members,” actually announcing those rankings, especially about children who “don’t even exist yet,” felt deeply unsettling and “crazy.”
“Obviously I just want my daughter to feel loved and not compared or treated like she’ll be replaced the minute someone else has a girl,” she wrote.
“I always keep my reactions polite because I don’t want drama, but inside it really bothers me and I don’t want my daughter growing up hearing things like this,” she added.
Commenters warned the original poster that her daughter could face “emotional abuse” from her grandmother, urging, “Please don’t expose your child to it.”
Others offered snarky suggestions for how she could respond, with one joking, “I’d start talking about who my favorite in-laws are. ‘You’re nice, but FIL is so much more likable.’ “
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