- A newlywed woman shared on Reddit that she is unsure whether or not to send a thank-you note to two guests whom she says “almost ruined” her wedding
- She explained that her cousin and his wife flouted the event’s no-alcohol policy and snuck in bottles during the reception, causing a bit of a scene
- “While I was initially happy they made the effort to attend, after what they did I can’t find it in myself to thank them for anything,” the Redditor wrote
A new bride is grappling with an etiquette dilemma: Should she send a thank-you note to two guests whom she claims “almost ruined” her wedding?
She detailed the situation in a post on Reddit’s “Wedding Forum,” beginning by sharing that her wedding took place last week and “everything was perfect — almost.” The one hiccup? She and her partner chose to have a dry reception and some guests decided to sneak in alcohol.
“Fast forward to the dancing part of the night, and I noticed my cousin’s wife was SLOSHED. She was constantly stumbling over herself, completely incoherent and an overall mess. My sister spent the whole night trying to rein her in and keep her from making a fool of herself,” the OP (original poster) recalled.
Later, the OP found out that her cousin and his wife not only snuck in alcohol during the dinner but “doordashed more throughout the night and left the empty bottles on the floor under their table.” She said her brother-in-law fortunately found the bottles and removed them before the venue manager spotted them, as the venue required an extra fee and hired security if alcohol was to be on the premises.
The OP felt “livid” over her cousins’ flouting of the no-alcohol guidelines. “Like, I expected someone to sneak in alcohol at some point because I understand people suck, but I thought they would at least be responsible about it and not act like spoiled children,” she wrote, noting that after the wedding, the couple didn’t reply to her messages about the situation and had yet to apologize.
Now that she is getting ready to send out thank-you notes to her wedding guests, the OP is wondering whether or not she should send one to the alcohol-sneaking couple.
“They didn’t get us a wedding gift either and while I was initially happy they made the effort to attend (we live in different states), after what they did I can’t find it in myself to thank them for anything. Do I need to send them a thank you card?” she asked fellow Redditors. “Or better yet, should I send them a card expressing that I was grateful they came but also let them know how upset I am? Or should I just not send anything?”
Readers weighed in on the dilemma in the comments section, and many advised the OP to not send the two guests a thank-you note, especially because they didn’t bring a gift.
“If there’s nothing to thank them for then don’t send a card. Since they didn’t give a gift, and it sounds like the wedding would have been better without them, I wouldn’t be thanking them for attending,” the top-voted comment read. “I also wouldn’t bother putting in the mental energy to tell them you’re upset. Enjoy your honeymoon and forget about them!”
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Another person wrote, “Honestly, why send anything? You are not happy with their behavior, and it seems as if they are aware that they made a mess and are trying to avoid consequences and shame for it. The thank you card could be seen as either an act of forgiving them before they own up to their actions or pouring lemon juice on the wound and showing them up.”
As for handling any future interactions with the couple, one Redditor advised: “Save your energy. Be the bigger person. Do not acknowledge their immaturity. If a gift shows up later from said pain in the butt guests, do the right thing, send them a thank you FOR THE GIFT. Nothing needs to be said about them being there or sharing your special day.”
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