Peter Sarsgaard is explaining one of the secrets behind his marriage to Maggie Gyllenhaal.
While speaking with PEOPLE recently about his new film September 5, Sarsgaard, 53, noted that he and actor/writer/director Gyllenhaal, 47, don’t often work on projects at the same time.
“We take turns in terms of our work,” he says. “I think that’s one of the things that you just sort of have to do is let someone have their dance and then you take your dance. There is great value in that.”
Sarsgaard and Gyllenhaal first met at a dinner in 2001. The couple began dating by 2002, and their rep told PEOPLE exclusively in 2006 that they were engaged and expecting their first child together. They later married in May 2009 and share two daughters: Ramona, 18, and Gloria Ray, 13.
“I think at one point I used to think that I would work more if I could,” Sarsgaard adds. “But I think that’s wrong. I think I would’ve done a lot more things that I was not proud of. So when I say yes to do something, it’s some type of sacrifice for me. Not a big one. Everyone else has got bigger sacrifices in the world, but just talking artistically — I can’t work constantly. I have a whole other life. I have a family.”
As a result, Sarsgaard says he likes to “pick and choose” projects he is interested in working on. He cites his first meeting with September 5 director Tim Fehlbaum as an example of how that decision “makes it so that I take meetings seriously.”
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“I am not shy about kicking the tires and making sure he’s as serious as I am about making this thing the best thing it can be,” he adds. “But I don’t know if I have couple advice. I think every couple is as unique as every person. I think it would be a lot more difficult to be married to someone who had a more consistent type of employment in one place.”
Sarsgaard and Gyllenhaal had a chance to collaborate creatively recently on their upcoming movie The Bride, which Gyllenhaal wrote, directed and produced. The film is based on Mary Shelley’s classic Frankenstein. It also features Sarsgaard’s September 5 costar John Magaro as well as his brother-in-law Jake Gyllenhaal, while Christian Bale and Jessie Buckley portray Frankenstein’s monster and his bride, respectively.
“This is a huge movie. She was leading a set of hundreds of people,” Sarsgaard adds of Maggie’s directing skills. “It’s my wife up there, it’s my wife darting out of the tent and come on over and talking to this actor and darting back in. She’s such a great leader and she has such a great mind.”
September 5 is in select theaters now; the movie expands to theaters everywhere Jan. 17.
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