- Pregnant woman says her boyfriend’s “vanlife” friend stops by their house “a couple days a week” for “around 10 to 12 hours” so he can “use the shower, kitchen, washing machine, and WiFi”
- The woman — who shared her story on Reddit — says that the friend generates “so much extra work” because he leaves the place a mess
- She says that when she told her boyfriend that she no longer wants the friend stopping by, he said the request was “cruel and insensitive”
A woman says she no longer wants her boyfriend’s friend to crash at their house several days a week now that she’s pregnant — and her boyfriend is calling the request “cruel and insensitive.”
The woman detailed her experience on the popular Reddit forum ‘Am I Being an A——,” a place where Reddit users can go to seek input and advice about interpersonal dilemmas. In her post, shared on Friday, April 10, the woman explained that her boyfriend “has a friend who is currently doing the whole #vanlifing thing and living out of his van.”
She said “this friend has been coming by our house a couple days a week” for “the past several months.”
“Each time he’s here, he stays around 10 to 12 hours to use the shower, kitchen, washing machine, and WiFi. I’ve been unhappy with the lack of privacy and the extra work for quite a while, which my boyfriend is well aware of, but have been putting up with it because the friend is down on his luck and could use some help,” the original poster (OP) detailed.
“However, now that I’m pregnant, I’m ready for this situation to end,” she continued, adding, “I want to be able to lay on my couch without pants, not shove my giant, tired boobs into a bra constantly, and talk about my private medical details with my partner without having to whisper about them in another room.”
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The OP also said that she is just “worn out in general,” noting that the friend “is generating so much extra work.”
“He comes into our home after doing construction jobs and tracks in tons of dust and dirt. Every time he showers he somehow leaves a thick coating of body hair all over the shower [that] I have to clean up before I can shower again. After he uses the washing machine there’s sticks and leaves and sand all over the laundry room. Not only does he hog the kitchen when I want to cook meals sometimes, but he also leaves all his dirty dishes for me to deal with afterwards,” she explained.
The woman also said that while ideally her boyfriend would “deal with” the extra work since “he’s the one inviting the dude over,” the tasks generally fall to her because she has the less busy work schedule.
The OP went on to say that she thinks the friend should have to find another place to crash for the next several months “to give me some privacy and a break.” However, when she brought this up with her boyfriend, she recalled him telling her it was “a very awkward and weird thing” to tell his friend.
Additionally, she said he told her it was “a cruel and insensitive thing for me to request.”
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“He’s willing to [talk to his friend] for me, but at the same time, is making it very clear he thinks I’m a monster for even asking him to do this,” she continued before asking, ”Is it actually reasonable for me to put a no-visitors rule in place for a few months or not?”
The woman’s fellow Reddit users were quick to assure her that she is not the “a——” in this situation — and the she has every right to feel frustrated. “NTA [not the a——],” said one person. “It’s your house and you deserve to be comfortable there.”
Someone else said, “NTA. But you need to stop picking up the load your bf should be carrying!! His friend, his invite, his cleanup job!! This is why he thinks it’s not a big deal. I’d suggest being somewhere else when said friend visits so that bf has the opportunity to see the chaos.”
Another person noted that the situation will likely only get worse once a baby arrives. They said, “That situation sounds terrible, especially while pregnant, but even more so with a new baby. Give him some time and then put an end to this arrangement, no matter what, this is not acceptable with a new baby at home, and if it doesn’t stop soon it will be harder to stop. NTA.”
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