Sarah Jessica Parker’s 7 Rocky Years With Troubled Robert Downey Jr: ‘I Just Didn’t Want Him To Die’

Long before her marriage to Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker counted Robert Downey Jr. as her great love — but, unsurprisingly, their relationship was not an easy one. Two child stars moving in together at 18 after a few weeks of dating — what could possibly go wrong? Let’s find out …

How it Began

Both just 18 — they’re now 59, with birthdays 10 days apart — Parker and Downey Jr. met on the set of teen movie Firstborn way back in 1984.  Acting since childhood and well-known faces on the Brat Pack scene of the era, things got serious fast: they moved in together in Los Angeles after just a few weeks of dating.

How Long it Lasted

Parker was basically a saint: she stayed with Downey Jr., through his well-documented substance abuse issues, for seven whole years. While the romance included iconic 1980s outfits, great film roles and glamorous parties, it was also seven years of heartache, addiction, fear and stress, with the clean-living Sex and the City star telling the New Yorker in 2023 that the relationship made her “feel like a parent at the age off 22.”

How it Ended

The pair split in 1991, with Parker realizing she couldn’t help her charming and charismatic but deeply troubled love anymore. She moved back to New York, where she went on to date the late John F. Kennedy Jr. before settling down with Broderick a few years later, in 1997. This was around the time Downey Jr., who said he had been addicted to drugs since being given them by his father at the age of eight, hit rock bottom. He eventually served 12 months in prison after repeatedly missing court-ordered drug tests, but has now been sober since 2003 and has been married to Susan Downey since 2005.

What They Said About Each Other

Both parties are probably grateful that their relationship pre-dated social media and the explosion of the internet in general, since we can only imagine the amount of discussion it would generate now, but when they were together, they regularly stepped out at red carpet events. Many years on from their split — and with Downey Jr. now maintaining a life of sobriety and enjoying major critical and commercial success in movies like Iron Man and Oppenheimer — she has spoken about their relationship in a number of interviews, and it’s clear it was a hugely challenging time for them both.

What They Say Now

As recently as 2023, Parker opened up to the New Yorker about the couple’s era-defining but doomed relationship. “People around him would be dismissive of me, but I had given him stability and tried to create a steady heartbeat that allowed him to show up on time,” she said. “That made me angry and embarrassed me.”

In 2020, she told People that she thought the relationship had actually influenced her own parenting (she and Broderick share twin daughters Tabitha and Loretta and son James).  “Maybe it taught me a little bit about being a parent too, because the things that I ended up caring about, and the way I cared for Downey, were things that might be more suitable for a parent at a certain point,” she said.

Further back, in a podcast interview in 2016, Parker revealed that she had been constantly scared that Downey Jr. would die if she left him. Speaking on “WTF with Marc Maron,” she said: “You love this person, and you’re afraid they’re going to die if you aren’t there to shore up their base every single solitary day. … I just didn’t want him to die. The biggest, hardest choices about those kinds of relationships are feeling brave enough to leave, even if you think they’re going to die.”

Meanwhile, Downey Jr. told Parade magazine in 2008 that he had happy memories of their time together, despite everything they went through. “I liked to drink, and I had a drug problem, and that didn’t jibe with Sarah Jessica, because it is the furthest thing from what she is,” he said. “She provided me a home and understanding. She tried to help me. She was so miffed when I didn’t get my act together. Private stuff aside, we were able to spend some time together and it was really cool. I was in love with Sarah Jessica, and love clearly was not enough.”

Key Relationship Takeaways

The former couple actually met up in 2015 to get closure on their tumultuous relationship — and, by all accounts, it went well.

Speaking during an appearance on The Howard Stern Show in 2016, Downey Jr said: “You know, the funny thing too is you always have a perception of somebody that you spent a big chunk of your life with and I think it’s typical… that the further you get away from that in your new relationship, you sub-intentionally taint your perception of the person. Seeing her I was like, ‘She’s so great and so cool and so funny and so in command’. I got to meet her kids and I saw the way she and Matthew live and I respect both of them so much.”

Parker, too, also spoke to Stern about their reunion in 2016. “It was really nice. It was surprisingly not weird. Fundamentally, we’re sort of the same,” she said. “The difference is he has a family and a wife and obviously his career is a massive thing. But I think his true nature was completely familiar. I always felt very affectionate toward him, I thought it ended well in a way. I never didn’t care about his well-being and I never felt resentment or bitterness.”

Yup, despite everything they went through together, these two are now about as mature and measured as it gets, with incredible careers to be proud of too. What a journey.