The Meghan Markle Debate: Experts, Insiders, Friends on Why She’s So Polarizing  — Can She Ever Win? (Exclusive)

It’s been less than a decade since Prince Harry went on that fateful first date with Meghan Markle. And yet, a lot has changed, all against a backdrop of challenging events in the royal family itself and the wider world. Somewhere amid the death of Queen Elizabeth II, a global pandemic and countless smaller but just as significant events in the couple’s lives — including becoming parents to son Archie, 5, and daughter Lilibet, 3 — Meghan has gone from being considered “a breath of fresh air” for the monarchy to one of the most controversial figures on the planet.

Whether you love her, hate her or are just bemused by anyone caring either way (but wondering why your kids just brought some flower seeds home from a party), you can’t escape her. After all, it’s not often a Netflix show about candles and fruit platters makes global headlines. Across the pond, Scotland’s Daily Record branded Meghan “a bland Betty Crocker,” and The Guardian called the series “gormless lifestyle filler” so “pointless it might be the Sussexes’ last TV show.” Stateside, New York Magazine declared Meghan was pioneering “new frontiers of unrelatability,” while her “soothing banality” was praised by Refinery29… kinda.

While the reviews weren’t great, With Love, Meghan did rank tenth in Netflix’s Top 10 Shows Overview list — and the streamer promptly announced a second season was on its way. By mid-March, Meghan Mania hit a crescendo. After all, one thing’s for sure: it’s crystallized that her seemingly relentless quest for worldwide domination is part of the problem — and the way she seems to just plow on, regardless of what everyone’s saying about her.

Above all, there’s a sense she got what she wanted — a picture-perfect life with an actual prince — so why can’t she just relax and enjoy it instead of trying so hard? Yet we’re OK with stars like Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez being global brands, taking all our money and dominating the cultural consciousness, often by monetizing their relationships, so why not Meghan?

“Meghan is embarking on a number of business ventures as an entrepreneur and working mom. The constant scrutiny is motivated by clickbait and systems that make sport out of attacking women,” Meredith Maines, CCO for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, tells Us of the discourse around Meghan. “I hope that readers pause and ask why publications are so interested in clicks at the expense of a founder, a woman, a mom, who is creating and building. As Meghan deploys her brand, show and podcast, we’re looking forward to partnering with outlets that want to understand the business story and the power of brand building by a founder.”

To start unraveling the problem folks seem to have with Meghan, we needed to talk to those who know her, the people who’ve worked with her and the people who have an inside, expert view of both the monarchy and the entertainment industry. Through them, we can begin to understand why this beautiful 43-year-old actress, businesswoman and mom of two somehow remains one of the most triggering women in the world.

She Wants Too Much (And Yet Doesn’t Love it Enough)

Right in the midst of researching this story, yet another press release dropped: Meghan is launching a new podcast, Confessions of a Female Founder. Yup, while everyone’s still busy dissecting her beekeeping skills, she’s already onto the next venture, saying she’s “so proud of what we’re creating and the candid conversations that I’m able to have with other female founders as we unpack the twists and turns of building a business.”

And what a lot of twists and turns there have been: there was the charitable foundation Archewell, its audio offshoots, a children’s book and then the lifestyle brand American Riviera Orchard, which was wisely renamed the more palatable As Ever. Clearly, Meghan sees herself as a lifestyle guru: a little Gwyneth, a little Martha, with a big royal spin.

What’s a bit unfair is that, actually, she’s always been like this. While she might have come to the world’s attention as “that Suits actress who’s dating Prince Harry,” she long had side hustles focused on fashion, food and the entertainment industry. Back in 2010, she ran an anonymous blog, The Working Actress, and then founded her now-defunct lifestyle blog, The Tig. In 2016 — the year she met Harry — she also hosted a culinary series, Power Lunch with Meghan Markle. So, her passions haven’t changed — she just now has a much bigger platform to pursue them. Who wouldn’t try the same?

Emily Sorrells has known Meghan since the early days of The Tig, becoming friends through social media. “The projects Meghan has been working on recently reflect a side of her I have known for years,” she told Us. “She has always felt a responsibility to use her platform to make a positive impact. In her role as the founder of The Tig, she spoke openly and vulnerably about her own life and allowed others to do the same. In the process, she created a community and connected with us all on everything from travel and food to mental health and community service.”

But one PR expert has clocked that while Meghan is great at the launch, she’s not so hot at the actual execution. She seems to tire of her projects quickly, particularly if they’re not lapped up as eagerly as she might have hoped. “Meghan has always been great at launching new ventures, but her problem is sustaining them,” Evan Nierman, Founder and CEO of global PR firm Red Banyan, tells Us. “When a project is meant to be a reinvention but ends up reinforcing the same old criticisms, it’s a major misstep.”

The other problem?  She didn’t always act like she was in on the joke. While Gwyneth Paltrow, for instance, can be a divisive figure too, she happily mocks herself for being obsessed with all things wellness and Goopy, there’s a playful knowingness to her tone. Recently, however, Meghan seemed to take a cue from her Montecito neighbor, sending cheeky notes to podcasters and teaming up with Paltrow to poke fun at feud rumors . In the past, this kind of humor and humility seemed to be a missing link— and royal commentator and podcast host Kristen Meinzer clocked it too. “The show is a natural extension of her Tig brand,” she tells Us. “It’s pretty, the tips are a mix of both aspirational and accessible… Does everyone love it? No, especially the Meghan haters — who, I can only surmise, would love the show if it were exactly the same, but hosted by Kate.”

She’s Not Kate or Diana

There was so much pressure on Harry, 40, to marry the perfect woman that it often seemed like he could remain a bachelor forever. When he and Meghan got together in 2016, they were both in their 30s, and she was divorced. (Her marriage to producer Trevor Engelson ended in 2014). This made her very different from the women — in fact, girls — the public had become accustomed to joining the royal family.

Elizabeth Holmes, New York Times bestselling author of HRH: So Many Thoughts on Royal Style and writer of the So Many Thoughts newsletter, believes this is key. “[Kate and Diana] had not lived an independent life. Diana was 19; Kate was in college. They were not fully formed humans! Meghan, on the other hand, by the time she met Harry, had done a lot… gone to an impressive college [Northwestern], carved out a career for herself, had been hustling in different ways. She knew what it was like to live and earn a living all on your own.”

This sort of independence felt like a breath of fresh air at first, and like the fun, red-haired prince who had always been seen as more rebellious than his brother, William, had finally met his match. But perhaps the fact that Meghan was a modern, independent woman also meant she ultimately wasn’t malleable enough to be a “good” royal. Christopher Andersen, author of bestselling books Brothers and Wives and The King, agrees, telling Us: “If Meghan could have learned to stick it out in the U.K. as a full-time royal — if only for Harry’s sake — I think she’d rank today not far below Kate as one of the world’s most admired women.”

The ship has sailed on that one though, with the couple quitting royal duties in 2020 and settling in California. Nierman isn’t sure she can turn it around now. “Meghan took what could have been a real-life fairy tale and turned it into an ugly ‘tell-all,’ almost like ruining a Disney movie,” he says. “She misjudged how much goodwill she could burn before people lost interest, and now she’s facing the reality that rebuilding a reputation is far harder than maintaining one.”

Publicist Jane Owen also believes Meghan might struggle to come back from how ungrateful many people perceive her to be. “She made the mistake that has always gone down badly with the general public: she complained about her massive privilege,” Owen tells Us. “Yes, being rich and famous is a burden, but the people struggling to buy eggs don’t want to hear about it… She also needs to acknowledge that she now sits in a place of privilege and wealth that is far beyond the target audience she’s hoping to reach.”

There’s the Topic of Race

As the daughter of an African American woman, Doria Ragland, and a Caucasian man, Thomas Markle, Meghan is mixed race. Her unique position in the public eye shines a light on the experience that many people of dual heritage know all too well, where neither Black nor white people seem able to relate to her. Unfortunately, some experts believe she hasn’t helped matters with how she carries herself.

Award-winning journalist and former Essence editor-in-chief Danielle Cadet spoke to Us about how Meghan’s race feeds into the world’s perception of her. “From a Black person’s perspective, which is really the only one I can speak from, there is a disconnect from her because she doesn’t necessarily identify or participate in Blackness in a way beyond her feeling a typical appearance would mean that she’d be welcomed,” Cadet says. She adds, “From the perspective of Black people, it’s hard to decide whether or not we want to defend her in any way, because it’s like, do you even really identify with us?”

Still, Cadet believes that if Meghan was actually white, nobody would have such an issue with her success — and her constant quest for more. “You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting an unrelatable white woman, and none of us have that much of an issue with it,” she says. “It’s interesting to me that there’s a refusal to acknowledge the role that race plays in our opinion of Meghan.” In response to Cadet’s Substack article headlined “Meghan Markle’s show critics don’t think Black girls can be princesses,” many readers agreed. “They truly hate to see us live in softness and it’s rooted in our place in service in their lives,” wrote one. Another added: “It’s wild to watch folks so irked by her happiness and how she’s normalizing Black women in the domestic sphere.”

Ultimately, Cadet says that women of color need to do something truly remarkable — think Beyoncé, Michelle Obama, Team USA Olympians — to seem worthy of their success, while famous white women can get away with being, well, pretty basic. The trouble is, says Cadet, Meghan doesn’t fit neatly into either camp. “There’s lots of mediocre white women who become millionaires and billionaires, where we’ve spent hours on their TikToks and their Instagram, who are out there, making bread and homemade fruit snacks for their kids.”

She’s a Woman

When men have multiple projects on the go, put themselves in the public eye and dare to act like they want to make money, they’re admired. When it’s a woman? Words like ambitious, bossy and manipulative are thrown around — and not in a complimentary way! And when it’s not just any woman, but a princess — the ultimate feminine archetype that little girls are, rightly or wrongly, encouraged to aspire to — this rings even more true. They’re supposed to sit on thrones looking pretty, wear diamonds, do charity work, and all with a smile on their face. Meghan tried this for a while, and it wasn’t for her, so she moved on to the next thing, just like she always has.

But that doesn’t make her evil. According to sources who know the couple well, this image of Meghan is a little off the mark. “I’ve seen Meghan at a happier time in her life, where she’s carefree, and she’s actually really funny — she likes to dance and sing, is kind of a dork in the best way,” one source tells Us. “I think she’s between the place of where she feels what people want from her [and] what she knows triggers people to keep herself kind of relevant. I don’t think we’ve ever seen her consistently be herself.”

However Kelly McKee Zajfen, a close friend of Meghan’s, tells Us the duchess is firmly in her element. “She shines so brightly in what she is so clearly meant to do, it comes so naturally to her because this is who she is every day,” says McKee Zajfen, who joined her longtime pal to make salt-crusted fish in an episode of With Love, Meghan. “Making fun projects for the kids, always hosting, being so thoughtful with each guest that walks through the door. Everyone feels like they’re home… It’s a beautiful thing to see someone you love step fully into their light.”

Contrary to reports that Meghan can be a diva, insiders from her Netflix show say that, while she’s a woman who knows what she wants, she’s nice about it, and working with her is actually pretty breezy. “Meghan and Harry are always lovely while filming,” said one insider. “Meghan is known to have a strong-willed personality and has a clear vision for what she wants. She’s not afraid to voice her opinion, and it was known very early on that she would be running the project and making final decisions. Her and Harry have a lot of creative control, and that was the agreement.”

Perhaps this is why Meghan didn’t fit in as a royal. What might appear to be the ultimate position of power in society is actually mostly one of deference and duty — and as a strong woman who’s always done things her own way, this was never a good fit. Unfortunately, this means a stereotype has been drawn that Meghan can’t seem to shake off, no matter how hard she tries. And we can all see, as she shows off the cute little bedtime packs she likes to make for her houseguests — whether in her own home or one she’s borrowing for aesthetic and privacy reasons — that she tries really, really hard.

She’s ‘Come Between Brothers’

Worse still than Meghan’s decision to do things her own way? The fact that she took Harry with her. And it’s this narrative, that Meghan was the protocol-defying woman who lured a prince to the dark side, away from the life he’d grown up with, that often prevails in discussions about them. But we’re conveniently forgetting that the very reason we all loved Harry is that he’d never been a fan of doing things the typically royal way. “I think Harry saw her as an exit,” royal historian Marlene Koenig tells Us. “I think Harry wanted out for so many different reasons, but he’s still floundering, you know? With the exception of the Invictus Games.”

It’s undeniably sad, though, that since Harry and Meghan have been married, he’s become less close to his father, King Charles, brother William and other prominent members of the family. But only they know what’s truly gone down and how much Meghan had to do with it. “It is the cloud that hangs over her,” notes Andersen. “It will be much smoother sailing for all involved once they can patch things up with the folks back home in England — if they can patch things up.”

Plus, of course, there are issues with the fact that, while Meghan has separated herself from royal duties, she still profits from her associations. “Meghan has absolutely zero interest in distancing herself from her royal image,” says Andersen. “Everything pretty much hinges on the fact that she’s still a princess and Duchess of Sussex.” It’s true, and she knows it. Let’s not forget that one of the most dissected moments of With Love, Meghan is when she pointedly told her “dear friend” Mindy Kaling that she’s not Meghan Markle now; she’s Meghan Sussex.

So, What Now For the Sussexes?

Despite all the negativity around Meghan, she’s still successful: the world is talking about her and watching her show. She’s making money, spending time with influential people and working on projects that allow her to enjoy being a mom, too. Is she actually exactly where she wants to be right now?

Contrary to the image that Meghan has lured her husband away from royal duties, could it be that she’s leading the couple’s direction because Harry is still pondering what to do with his life?

Holmes thinks so. “In the Vanity Fair story, where [insiders] said he’d be happy just doing charity work, that rang true to me,” she says. “He does seem like he would just be happy doing charity work, but that can’t sustain their lifestyle. He can be driven, much like his mother, to help people and use his position in this world to do good. But if they’re operating on their own, they need to make money.”

So, for now, Meghan is the breadwinner — and, really, why shouldn’t she be? She’s always been a high achiever. It’s just that, for her, becoming a princess wasn’t seen as the greatest achievement of all, and that’s hard for some people to stomach. “The media loves to paint her as polarizing,” another source tells Us. “The truth is she moves the needle whether people love or hate her. People care about engagement, and she delivers that, even if it’s negative. They want a show that people are talking about.”

It’s a sentiment Netflix co-CEO Ted Sarandos would agree with. In a March interview with Variety, he mused that Meghan “is underestimated in terms of her influence on culture.” He added, “When we dropped the trailer for the Harry & Meghan doc series [in 2022], everything on-screen was dissected in the press for days… People are fascinated with Meghan Markle. She and Harry are overly dismissed.”

While it might seem like Meghan is taking a scattergun approach to business, the insider says this isn’t the case. “They’ve said no to a lot more than people realize. Big-money stuff like unscripted deals that would’ve been clickbait, but that’s not their style. They’re focused on mission-driven, creatively fulfilling projects. It’s about legacy rather than quick wins.”

According to former NBC Universal exec Cory Shields, Meghan does have a strategy in place. “I’ve worked alongside some of the most successful executives in the media industry. And Meghan, like them, has a clear vision, understands how to build a brand and embraces the creative process,” Shields tells Us, adding that despite the noise, Meghan remains focused on what really matters. “She operates with the same level of strategy, discipline and market awareness that defines the most successful entrepreneurs in any industry.”

PR expert Mark Borkowski agrees that Meghan knows exactly what she’s doing. “To some, she’s a modern feminist icon; to others, she’s a self-absorbed opportunist,” he tells Us. “Neither is fully true, yet both narratives persist because she’s maintained just enough mystery to keep the debate alive. This isn’t an identity crisis; it’s a business model… The more unpredictable she is, the harder she is to pin down. But that same unpredictability is what fuels both devotion and disdain.”

Meinzer agrees that, by now, Meghan has come to terms with being divisive and has decided to make the most of a tough situation. “There are entire communities [online] dedicated to disparaging her,” she says. “She’ll never be able to escape it. Even if she’s not a working royal… she is in the history books as part of this institution.”

It’s also possible that, as many of her vocal detractors age out, a younger audience who respect and admire Meghan as a strong woman could help to gradually transform her image. “She has considerable support among the young, even in the U.K.,” notes royal commentator Richard Fitzwilliams. “She has a contemporary image, has liberal views and is a person of color.”

Her longtime supporter Emily Sorrells agrees that Meghan can be a great role model to young women. “The valuable lessons I learned from her many years ago have inspired my life every day since,” she tells Us. “I used to make all of her recipes from The Tig in my childhood kitchen with my mom and now I am beaming with pride as I scroll through social media and see people posting their recipes and gardens inspired by the show. I was able to celebrate this new era with her at a launch party for the show and I can tell how exciting it is for her to have projects that allow her to connect with and learn from others. I have watched her persevere through the intense scrutiny of recent years and couldn’t be prouder of her for returning to the creative projects she loves despite it all.”

Making this image of “radical royal,” “crunchy mom,” and “savvy businesswoman” gel, instead of seeming like a million different directions, is key. “Meghan has to restrain some of those impulses,” says Andersen. “I think if she adopts a more down-to-earth, self-deprecating attitude — maybe channel a little more Julia Child, who knew how to make fun of her shortcomings — she can still win viewers over.”

With reporting by Travis Cronin, Mikhaila Friel, Christina Garibaldi, Justin Ravitz, Andrea Simpson, Mariel Turner and Amanda Williams