NEED TO KNOW
- A 43-year-old woman is refusing to host her family at her house for Christmas dinner, seven years after the tradition began
- In a post on Mumsnet, she vented about having to cover the cost of the food and drink, while also receiving no help from her family with cooking
- “AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to finally put my foot down and say if no one else wants to host, then they’re welcome to do their own thing?” she asked
A woman is refusing to host her family for Christmas after seven years of providing food and drinks while they arrive at her house “empty-handed.”
The 43-year-old OP [original poster] vented in a post on Mumsnet about spending “a fortune” on the festivities each year. She explained that her house has become the go-to location for her family because she has the largest dining room.
She said her sister usually arrives carrying a pack of bread rolls, but everyone else, including her brother, doesn’t contribute towards the cost of food and drink.
“Last year, I suggested we rotate hosting, or at least that everyone chips in for food. The reaction was unbelievable,” the OP said. “I was told that because I ‘earn the most’ and have ‘the nice house,’ it’s my job to host, and that ‘tradition is tradition.’ My mum even said it would be ‘selfish’ to break the family routine.”
The woman said that when she attempted to discuss this year’s Christmas plan, her sister advised her not to “make such a big deal” if she’s worried about the expense.
The OP added that her sister never helps with preparing Christmas dinner as she’d rather sit on her phone all day.
“I’ve decided I don’t want to host this year, and suggested we book a pub Christmas lunch instead,” the OP said. “They refused and said Christmas at the pub ‘isn’t the same,’ and apparently I’m ‘ruining it for the kids’ by not wanting to host.”
“AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to finally put my foot down and say if no one else wants to host, then they’re welcome to do their own thing?” she asked.
“I’m confused about why this is suddenly my moral responsibility every year when I didn’t even volunteer in the first place,” the OP concluded. “Am I missing something here or is this totally unreasonable on their part?”
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The post racked up hundreds of responses, with the majority of commenters reassuring the OP that she should ignore her family’s demand for her to host Christmas.
“Your family are cheeky f——,” one person wrote. “Stand your ground OP! If they want you to host and keep talking about tradition, then they need to be prepared to pay an equal share of the cost of keeping the tradition going.”
“Please don’t cave in to family pressure or a guilt pile on, it’s your Christmas too,” said another. “You are a saint for putting up with your selfish family for 7 years. Who the hell turns up to a fully catered Christmas with nothing or thinks a packet of bread rolls is a suitable contribution?”
“To not even acknowledge the work, effort and expense when you have said ‘no’ shows a great what they really think of you,” the same person concluded.
A third person advised the woman to compromise this year, as there are only a few weeks left until Christmas.
“I’m with you 100% OP, but unfortunately, I think you might struggle to get a pub lunch booked on Xmas Day at this stage (we booked in September!),” they wrote. “Can I suggest a compromise this year where if Christmas is ‘no big deal,’ you have lunch with your immediate family and invite the rest round in the evening for drinks and a light buffet or something? That will help to set expectations for a new ‘tradition’ in future years that doesn’t involve you doing all the work and shouldering all the cost!”
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