NEED TO KNOW
- A mom is wondering if she’s in the wrong for not wanting her daughter to spend the night at her in-laws’ house
- In a post on the AITA subreddit, the original poster (OP) explained that her husband told her their daughter, who’s 11 months old, would be spending a night at his parents’ house for the first time
- OP explained why she didn’t “feel comfortable” with that happening, and her husband told her she was “acting crazy”
A mom is wondering if she’s in the wrong for not wanting her daughter to spend the night at her in-laws’ house.
In a post on the AITA subreddit, the original poster (OP) explained that her husband, 35, told her at the beginning of the week that their daughter, who’s 11 months old, would be spending a night at his parents’ house for the first time.
“I told him no,” she wrote. “I don’t feel comfortable with that as she is young, and a playpen is an inappropriate place to sleep due to SIDS risk.”
OP went on to say that her husband told her that it “doesn’t matter what I think,” and refused to cancel the plans for their daughter to sleep over at his parents’ house.
“He told me it doesn’t matter what I think, and he will not cancel the plans,” she explained. “I told him last night that she will not be spending the night over there, and this morning he took her to daycare right away, so I didn’t get to say goodbye. He told me his mom is picking her up and I need to back off because I’m overreacting and ‘acting crazy.'”
The mom edited her original post to explain that when she picked up her daughter from her in-laws, her mother-in-law “definitely gave me attitude about it,” and that she could tell “something was up.”
“If I don’t feel comfortable with something as a parent, I am not gonna let it happen and that’s the truth,” she concluded her post. “I’m going to trust my intuition.”
In the comment section, many users commented that OP wasn’t in the wrong for not wanting her daughter to sleep the night at her in-laws’ house. One commenter noted that her husband could have handled it differently, which is why she wasn’t wrong.
“You don’t just overrule and he could have had a conversation with you. Compromise. Anything,” the user wrote. “Even if he had concerns about you being overprotective or having postpartum anxiety by going behind your back he’s making it worse. There are much better ways of handling it.”
The commenter also suggested the mom check out some postpartum support groups or connect with other new parents for additional support. The user also added some helpful tips to “help minimize some anxiety” that OP was having regarding the SIDS risk. To conclude their comment, they reassured OP that she wasn’t in the wrong for not wanting the sleepover to happen.
“If you don’t think any of your wants/needs/desires/etc will be respected by your in-laws then it’s an absolute no for a sleepover (or unsupervised alone time),” they concluded.
Other users felt as though they were missing some context to the story. One commenter even added that they were “hesitant to agree with everyone saying you are not over reacting.”
“I feel like we are missing a lot of context with this. We cannot read tone or situation at this point so I am hesitant to agree with everyone saying you are not over reacting,” the commenter wrote. “The baby is 11 months and there is no increased risk of sids sleeping in a pack & play vs crib (and at 11 months the risk is significantly lower in general ).”
“Depending on the tone and situation I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong/bad for your husband to be drawing a line,” they continued. “Have you been suffering from PPD/PPA? Have you been stressed/not sleeping/needing a break? I’m a mom but I’m trying to see this from the husband point of view of him trying to take care of you because you aren’t taking care of yourself.”
Echoing their sentiments, another commenter said that OP needed to give more information about the situation. “We need more information. I’m all for protecting kiddo and mom but for all we know dad is protecting the kiddo,” they wrote. “Something big is up here that we aren’t understanding.”
In response to that comment, OP explained that her husband has “consistently been doing this since I gave birth.”
“I’m going to only reply to you about this. I don’t know how well it’s gonna go over with everyone else but he’s consistently been doing this since I gave birth,” the mom wrote. “I’m aware I have anxiety and I am seeing a therapist for it. Whatever my mother-in-law says for advice on babies, no matter how dated it is, he will do and not listen to me.”
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OP continued describing a situation where her husband tried to give her daughter five-hour-old formula because his mother said that it would be okay. She stated that situations like those are “why I am the way I am,” acknowledging that she doesn’t think that her in-laws are going to “physically outright try to harm” her daughter.
“I don’t think they would physically outright try to harm her, but I’m kind of the only one protecting her from incidents like that,” she wrote. “I have discussed with him separating and just coparenting and he told me I can’t go anywhere because we made an oath to God.”
“So at this point, I’m trying to set things up to where it’s not gonna be a nasty situation for my daughter,” OP added. “I know I’m not crazy and my therapist agrees that I’m not crazy but it’s pretty hard to believe when your spouse tells you there’s something wrong with you while doing butthole things.”
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