A woman is wondering what to do after her friend asked every member of their social group to be a bridesmaid — except her.
Months after she first learned she was excluded from the wedding — with no explanation or communication from the bride-to-be — the woman sought advice. She explained her predicament, which she says left her “extremely” hurt, in a post on Reddit’s “Wedding” forum on Monday, March 17.
“How do I start a convo with a bride who made our whole friend group bridesmaids except me, and is it too late?” she asked in the title of the post.
The bride, the original poster (OP) explained, asked all of their friends to be bridesmaids in December. At the time, the OP “had no idea” that she had been excluded, she said.
Then came January, when one of the newly minted bridesmaids texted her to let her know “so that it wasn’t awkward.” The pal also claimed that the bride — who still hadn’t reached out — “wanted to talk to me about it,” the OP said, “but I feel that if she wanted to, she would.”
“I was extremely hurt (and still am) that my friend (the bride) didn’t even tell me,” the OP wrote, “and that someone else felt the need to.”
By the time she shared the Reddit post in mid-March, the bride still hadn’t extended an olive branch — or even offered an explanation.
“The friend that told me advised that the bride probably thought that since I knew now, she didn’t have to speak to me,” the OP wrote. “I was told that if it bothered me, I should reach out to start the conversation. I was told that the bride did care, but her lack of any communication says differently in my opinion.”
“It’s obviously been a while, but the whole situation is still extremely hurtful to me,” she continued, noting, “I think my friends thought time would heal or something.”
The OP then asked fellow Reddit users if she is “responsible for reaching out” to the bride, and wondered whether it is “still an appropriate time” to do so. “If it ever was,” she added, to say, “Hey why didn’t you make me a bridesmaid and why couldn’t you bother to say anything?”
“I’m very torn,” she wrote, “because the bride did mean something to me, but her behavior has really hurt me. I feel so uncared for that I borderline don’t want to attend [the wedding], but I also feel really sad about missing such an important event.”
“I completely understand that wedding parties can be a numbers game,” she added, noting that she’s not even sure she could have fulfilled the bridesmaid duties anyway due to “stuff” unrelated to the friend group drama.
And, concluding the post on an emotional note, the OP wrote that she knows “the wedding is about” the bride, “but our friendship was about the two of us.”
Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
Responses to the OP’s post were mixed, with some calling it a “win” because of how expensive bridesmaid duties can be, and others suggesting she just “leave it” — the entire situation — be altogether. Several people also offered a similar piece of advice, proposing that if she decides to approach the bride, she should first ask herself, “What are you seeking to gain out of the conversation?”
Still others backed up the bride, with one user writing, “I’m not sure why she would have told you that. The assumption is always that you’re not in the wedding party unless you’re invited and accept.”
“I actually think it would be pretty hurtful and condescending to reach out and tell you the reasons she didn’t include you,” the user continued in their reply, later adding, “I personally hate the culture around wedding parties, because they always seem to lead to this type of hurt feelings.”
Responding to this user’s comment, the OP clarified that “one of the reasons I was hurt by the lack of conversation was [because the bride] told my other friend that she wanted to talk to me about it.”
And, the OP added, she agrees that “reaching out about being a bridesmaid is icky, but I don’t know how to go about talking about the situation without making it seem like it’s the crux of the issue.”
Read the full article here