NEED TO KNOW
- A woman says her mom is pressuring her and her triplet siblings into a joint 35th birthday brunch
- She and her husband were hoping to travel for a long weekend instead, but now feel stuck
- Her frustration runs deeper than the brunch — she’s shared every birthday for 18 years
A woman seeks support from the Reddit community for advice following a tense disagreement with her mother about birthday plans that have left her feeling frustrated and overlooked.
The Redditor, who shares her birthday with her two siblings as part of a set of triplets, explains that her mother is pushing for a shared brunch rather than allowing her to enjoy a weekend trip with her husband.
“Our mother, immediately after getting back from family vacation a week ago, ‘asked’ if the three of us want to do a birthday brunch since it’s ‘a big birthday’ (35),” she writes. “I say ‘asked’ because this wasn’t really a question, even if it was phrased with a question mark.”
While her mother is positioning the birthday as a major milestone, the original poster questions if 35 truly qualifies as a “big one.” Her own plans had started to form naturally when her husband suggested a long weekend getaway to places like Canada, Cape Cod or even Italy.
“She texts our spouses [to ask] if we’re free,” the Redditor reveals, adding that her sister-in-law and brother-in-law responded yes. Her husband, feeling pressured, tried to be polite and said, “sounds fun. We were thinking of maybe traveling somewhere but can let you know soon.”
The woman feels that her mother is brushing past her desire to celebrate her birthday on her own terms. “It would be nice to be together because it’s a big birthday,” her mom replied after her husband’s hesitant response.
Logistics are also a factor, as the woman lives farthest away from the rest of the family. “My siblings live between me and my parents have anywhere between a 0 and 2 hour drive maximum. I’m 2-4 hours minimum,” she writes.
She notes that even though her grandmother, her mom’s own mother, lives only 15 minutes from her, her family won’t consider traveling in her direction. “They don’t want to spend the day in the car,” she says, highlighting the imbalance in effort.
On top of that, she’s struggling with the emotional weight of always having to share her birthday. “I can’t help but feel my mother is trying to make MY birthday, which I had to share for 18 years, her birthday,” she shares.
While she’s open to the idea of celebrating with her siblings at some point, she’s frustrated by the pressure and lack of flexibility. “I feel like I’m not being treated like a grown adult,” she writes, reflecting on the recent phone call she had with her mom.
During that conversation, she explained her position and tried to find a middle ground. “It amounted to me saying I’d [touch base] with my siblings about plans but that we need to figure out travel plans and how to coordinate this around it,” she says.
Time is another concern. With only six weeks to go, she doesn’t feel there’s enough notice for a long trip, even though a brunch would be relatively simple to plan. “It’s 6 weeks away so there’s barely any time to plan a trip with husband anyways,” she writes. “We’re very flexible with a trip later in the year or whenever.”
Despite the tension, the woman emphasizes she doesn’t believe her mother is being intentionally hurtful. “I do not think she’s trying, overtly at least, to be spiteful or malicious in any way—she wants her kids together and celebrating, and I totally appreciate that.”
Even so, the emotional impact of being sidelined in her own celebration weighs heavily. “AITAH for wanting to tell my mom to piss off, stop being overly precious about dates & adult birthdays… and schedule something together with my siblings and parents when we want to?” she asks Reddit.
Supportive commenters offered their thoughts, encouraging her to prioritize her own plans. “Go ahead and plan your weekend away with hubby. Tell your mother that you had prior plans, and that her late request put you & hubby on the spot,” one writes.
Others urged her to simply be direct, even if it’s uncomfortable. “Just give her an answer yes or no,” another commenter says. “Do what you want to do but don’t leave her invitation hanging without a response.”
Ultimately, the woman is left navigating the tricky space between honoring her family’s wishes and asserting her independence.
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