A woman says she is refusing to support her aging parents because they refused to support her at a pivotal time earlier in life.
The 32-year-old detailed her experience on Reddit’s ‘Am I the A——?’ forum — a place where community users can seek advice about interpersonal dilemmas — on Feb. 16. The Redditor began her post by sharing that her parents were “controlling” while growing up and only wanted her to be a “doctor or a lawyer.”
The woman, however, says that she opted to pursue art school. She writes that her parents refused to support the decision — both emotionally and financially — and says they said it was “my choice” and, therefore, “my responsibility.”
“So I worked as a broke college student [barely] making ends meet whilst juggling working 2-3 part time jobs and keeping up my grades,” she continued, adding that she now owns a small art program.
The original poster (OP) also shared that she met her now-husband back in college and that his parents “became my second family [and] they helped me through college.”
Now, the Redditor says her parents — who are both in their mid-60s — have resurfaced after years of not being in the picture and are making “demands,” including that she cover their rent and medical expenses. She says they insisted that they “did so much” for her and “deserve their happy ending” as well.
The woman says she ultimately told her parents that it was their own bad choices that led them to their current financial situation and, thus, “their responsibility” to take care of themselves.
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She concluded her post by writing that she feels as though she made the right choice because her parents “left me when I needed help,” but says some of her family members think she is being unfair, as her parents did work to provide her with essentials like food and shelter while growing up.
The woman — who now has two children of her own — also noted that part of her doesn’t want to invite her parents back into her life and expose her kids to their “toxicity,” adding, “I want some unbiased outside opinions before I make up my mind.”
Comments were largely supportive of the OP’s decision and rationale, with many noting that no one should feel guilty for protecting themselves from toxic people and behavior.
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“[If] this is a relationship that has turned into a no contact situation for years due to toxic [behavior] and they’re just reaching out for money, I think you are well within your rights to say no,” one person wrote.
They added: “Ultimately, you are the only person who can choose how you want to proceed with your relationship with them and you also should be the one to decide how much or little you want to get involved again, for your own sake. But you wouldn’t be the asshole if you said no, and the family calling you an a—— should step up more if they feel so strongly.”
Others noted that they don’t believe children should feel like they “owe” their parents anything for having received basic essentials while growing up.
“My response to parents saying we owe them because they housed, fed and clothed us is, ‘Congratulations, you did what you were legally obligated to do for the children you decided to have.‘ “ one person said.
“Been in a very similar situation as you at the same age. NTA [not the a——]. Enjoy your life. No need to say more,” added another.
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