A woman wants to make sure her ex still has a birthday celebration, but they just recently broke up.
She wrote on the U.K.-based forum Mumsnet, “The ‘relationship’ I’ve been in for nearly a year hasn’t been a relationship for ages. No intimacy, don’t spend much time together, he brings all sorts of restrictions and limitations, not to mention communication problems caused by his inability to talk about anything. He’s not an unkind or nasty person, but all I’ve been enjoying is affection as there’s nothing else there, not even ‘I love you.’ ”
The woman went on, “After a frustrating phone call yesterday I decided it wasn’t fair to carry on what has become a farce. He can’t change who he is, but I can’t continue being in a one-way relationship. I have ended it this morning and he’s accepted why, but I feel like I’ve kicked a puppy.”
Making matters worse, his birthday was coming up in just four days and she did already spend £100 (about $128) on gifts for him “somewhat reluctantly.” She asked, “Should I make it a clean break and return what I bought for a refund or go and leave the gifts on his doorstep or something? I feel guilty at the timing, but at the same time it’s a lot of money to spend on someone I no longer want to be with.”
To further complicate matters, in the OP’s opinion, she wrote, “He gets notifications on his watch if someone approaches the front door, so he may well try to persuade me to give things yet another go. However, he will otherwise have no birthday because he has no friends and an odd family. What would you do?”
“Get a refund,” multiple people commented on the post, with varying levels of exclamation points. “It sounds like you’ve been flogging a dead horse for a while. Get a refund and spend that money on yourself,” someone elaborated.
Another person wrote, “You can’t go giving him the presents. It would be kicking a whole litter of puppies! He’s an ex now. At most, I’d be doing a happy birthday post on [Facebook] but nothing else.
He’s not your responsibility. He never was, but I recognize the feelings of guilt!”
But another wrote that gifting him the presents would be taking the higher road. “There’s no harm in ending with an act of kindness, but only if you know it’s something he’s really into. You never know when you might bump into him again or need something from him. I don’t believe in burning bridges, that’s assuming there’s no abuse. I would advise against delivering it yourself, too much chance of messiness. Just post it.”
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The majority of comments, though, advised the woman to move on. As one comment read, “You’ve split up so don’t leave him the gifts, to do so would be sending very mixed messages and would give him hope that you want to rekindle things. If you want to stay friends send him a card or a text but giving him expensive gifts will suggest to him that you don’t see things as being properly over. It’s not your responsibility to give him a good birthday. Why doesn’t he have any friends?”
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