NEED TO KNOW
- A woman’s family “birthday club” chat has become more about chasing payments than celebrating birthdays
- She told her relatives it’s supposed to be “fun and family-oriented, not a debt collection service”
- Now she’s wondering if her message came off as rude — or if she was right to call it out
A woman turned to the Reddit community for advice after a lighthearted family tradition took an unexpected turn. What started as a fun way to celebrate birthdays has turned into what feels like a “debt collection service,” according to the original poster.
The family’s “birthday club” began as a sweet idea. With about 25 people in the group, everyone sends $25 when it’s someone’s birthday, so the birthday person ends up with roughly $625. “It started out fun and lighthearted,” the poster explained, “but lately it’s turned into a daunting task.”
What was once a cheerful family chat is now filled with reminders and pressure. “The minute someone’s birthday hits, people start hounding the chat like bill collectors,” the woman wrote. “’Who didn’t send yet?’ ‘We’re waiting on 3 people!’ ‘Y’all know what day it is!’” The messages start rolling in before anyone’s even had their morning coffee, she noted.
After watching the group chat spiral into what felt more like an invoice thread, she decided to speak up. “This morning I finally got tired of it and sent a message saying something like, ‘Just a reminder this is supposed to be fun and family-oriented, not a debt collection service.’”
The message didn’t exactly spark a warm family discussion. “Only two people hearted it,” the poster admitted. “No one else said anything.” The silence made her wonder if she’d crossed a line or come across as ungrateful for calling out the behavior.
Now, the woman is questioning whether speaking up was the right move. “I’m second guessing myself,” she shared, “wondering if I came off rude or ungrateful.” She emphasized that their issue isn’t with the club itself, but with how tense and transactional it has become.
The poster clarified that the group was never meant to be about profit. “The point is not to profit from the birthday club,” she wrote. “It’s just a nice gesture to receive a large lump sum on your birthday.” She noted that the idea was meant to make birthdays feel special without the pressure of buying gifts.
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Still, the growing sense of obligation seems to have drained the joy out of the tradition. She stressed, “It only gets weird when people start taking it too seriously.” What was supposed to be a gesture of celebration has now become a source of family tension.
One commenter summed up the irony of the situation. “The funniest part about this birthday club is that if you’re sending $25 every time one of the 25 people have their birthday then you’re spending $625 a year,” they pointed out. “But then you’re also getting $625 on your birthday. So it’s a net zero for everyone involved. Sounds like a lot of hassle for nothing lol. NTA.”
The poster agreed that, in theory, it’s an even exchange. “You’re right in theory,” she responded, “but the point was to make birthdays feel special without everyone stressing about gifts.” To her, the spirit of the birthday club was always about connection, not calculation.
Still, her comment in the chat seemed to stir more silence than support.
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