NEED TO KNOW
- A woman says her boyfriend’s “very needy” ex — with whom he shares a child — calls at odd hours and often overshares
- The woman detailed her story on Mumsnet, where she asked others for advice on how to deal with the situation
- Most commenters said they thought the woman should just ignore it and cut the other woman some slack
A woman says that her boyfriend’s “very needy” ex keeps contacting him at inappropriate times — and she thinks he should say something.
The woman detailed her experience in the “Am I Being Unreasonable” forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet. In her post, the woman explained that she and her current partner have been together for two years and that they moved in together “around Christmas.”
The original poster (OP) said that her partner shares a 4-year-old daughter with a woman with whom he had a one-night stand several years ago. She said that the daughter stays with them for about half of each week, and in general, “it’s all lovely,” and she’s happy with their life.
The problem? The woman has some “issues” with the mother of her partner’s daughter.
“She seems very needy,” the OP explained, adding, “She will text my [partner] asking for a swap of days [for their daughter] in a few weeks time, and if he doesn’t reply in about 10 minutes, she will call repeatedly.”
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“She has also started calling him at very odd hours — 12 a.m., for example — if she can’t settle their daughter. My [partner] also doesn’t answer these calls, but she persists,” she continued.
The OP said that the woman often tries to keep her partner in unnecessarily long conversations at pick-ups and drop-offs, and one time even mentioned that she thought her current partner was having an affair.
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The OP went on to say that the other woman initially wanted a romantic relationship with her partner when she first became pregnant, but he did not reciprocate the feelings.
“AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to find this type of behavior odd? And what do I do?” the OP ultimately asked about the other woman’s calls and comments.
“[My partner] thinks ignoring is the best approach, but I think it’s really disrespectful,” the woman added.
Most commenters said that they thought ignoring the behavior was actually the best approach — and said they thought the OP should cut the other woman some slack.
“You do nothing. This isn’t your circus and these aren’t your monkeys,” one person said.
They added, “[Your partner] is right to ignore it. She’s probably lonely and looking for someone to share the hard times of parenting with, and it’s clearly not ideal that [your partner] is a co-parent rather than her live-in partner, but she’s not crossing any boundaries in your relationship or doing anything wrong here. [Your partner] just needs to keep upholding his boundaries and deal with it when a situation arises.”
Another person said, “When you have a child with someone, you are part of each other’s lives for good, whether that is for better or worse. Your [partner] was 50% responsible for the creation of his child, and […] it will never be as simple as saying it’s not his problem. Yes, she sounds difficult, but equally, that’s his child’s mother you’re talking about.”
The same person added, “Your [partner] sounds like he has a good read on the situation and is doing the right things. You need to stop trying to change that and decide for yourself whether you want to stay with him or not.”
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