- A woman asked in a popular Reddit forum if her sister’s comment about not loving her nephews enough is “unreasonable”
- Many Reddit users sided with the aunt in this situation
- She concluded that the comment is a “weird, kind of manipulative way of saying ’I need you to think I’m a good parent’ ”
A woman with no kids believes her sister’s expectation to love her three nephews “the way my husband and I do” is “unreasonable.”
The 43-year-old is now asking Reddit users in the “Am I the A——?” forum whether she or her 40-year-old sister is in the wrong about this familial expectation as an aunt to the twin boys, 2, and their brother, 3.
“It’s about a 6-hour flight, so it’s not a trip I can make on a regular basis,” the woman said about visiting them. “When I visited last February, it was a great trip. Good mix of sister time, hanging out with the kids and her husband, a night out, a house party, just all around enjoyable.”
“Her husband is great and is a stay-at-home dad,” she continued. “My sister works from home and is a successful business woman. I was genuinely excited to go visit again last month.”
The woman emphasized that she has never been a “kid person.”
“My partner and I are intentionally childless and we love our quiet, low-key life,” she added, noting that “I’m good with kids. I’ll play with them with their toys, I’ll crawl around on the floor with them, I’m down to do whatever goofy thing they’re into — but for only about 2 hours at a time.”
After two hours, she admitted she has to “tap out and recharge” alone.
“I’m also not great with the constant noise kids make. … I’ve got a low threshold for it, especially when it’s the full blown meltdowns,” the aunt explained. “For the first 3-4 days I was at my sister’s, the three kids were screaming and crying nearly every 25 minutes. So when the temper tantrums started, I’d go outside or at least leave the room.”
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During the trip, her sister confronted her to tell her that she’s “disappointed” because she doesn’t “love the boys the way her husband and I do” due to her “low tolerance for the fits” — to which the aunt “apologized” and reminded her sister that she removes herself from “stressful” situations.
“Things kind of devolved from there, but we recovered and the rest of the trip was fine enough,” the aunt said, before asking, “Am I the a—— for thinking that my sister’s request is way off base? I love my nephews, but I don’t think anyone can love children in the way that child’s parents do.”
One person on Reddit replied, “God, she sounds annoying. I would never take a week of vacation to visit someone with three kids under four — you are a saint for that. She is projecting her own bulls— on you, and you shouldn’t have to tolerate it.”
The majority of Reddit users sided with the aunt, who later updated her March 20 post to thank readers for their feedback.
“I’ve come to think my sister’s criticism that I don’t love her boys like she does is not an actual, literal expectation. It might be a weird, kind of manipulative way of saying ’I need you to think I’m a good parent,’ ” she concluded. “I need to call her so we can talk about this and what’s going on. Thanks for confirming that I’m [not the a——] and that the perspectives of my family and friends were not just super biased in my favor.”
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