Woman Says Partner Won’t Put Her on the Deed to His Home After He Asked Her to Leave Her Job to Raise Their Child

A woman says that her longtime partner refuses to add her to the deed to his new house — despite the fact that they live together and share a child — and she’s now wondering if she is “expecting too much.”

The woman detailed her story in the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet, a place where women can go to seek input and advice from other women about a variety of topics. In her post, the woman said that she has been with her current partner for five years and that they share a 2-year-old.

“Things have been slightly rocky since having our child, but other than that, our relationship is good,” she explained.

The original poster (OP) went on to say that they currently live in a home that her partner purchased before they met, and that they are planning on moving into a “bigger family home” this year.

“I contributed to the [current] house before baby arrived, but haven’t [gone] back to work as my partner very fortunately earns a good wage and doesn’t want me to go back to work until our child is three and starts nursery [school],” she continued.

The OP then said that while she isn’t on the deed to their current shared home, she assumed that she would be made co-owner of the new one based on her contributions to their family. However, when she brought this up to her partner, he told her “absolutely not” because she’s “not financially contributing.”

“I disagree with this as I feel that I am contributing in the sense that I’m bringing up his child and keeping his house clean, etc.,” she continued, adding that her partner claims he wants to eventually get married.

“I feel very insecure about this,” she admitted, before also stating that while her partner covers food and household expenses, she has been using her personal savings for all other purchases, and her “savings are nearly done.”  

“I feel that he is reluctant on making a commitment, and especially a financial commitment — not even just to me, but his own child. He also refuses to update his will or life insurance policy if anything were to happen to him,” she said.

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“Am I expecting too much?” she asked, before adding that she feels as though she needs “to have some sort of security about our relationship, especially since I’m dependent on him.”

The vast majority of commenters said that they thought the OP’s feelings were valid — but also said that she shouldn’t have gotten herself into the situation in the first place.

“YABU [you are being unreasonable] for having gotten into this situation. You’re not married and don’t have […] personal wealth, so a break from full-time work wasn’t sensible,” said one person.

They added, “[It seems] clear that retaining his personal assets and money is his priority. He also sounds sexist. For me, without immediate marriage and change of attitudes, the relationship would be over.”

“For the love of God do not have more children with him!” said someone else. “You’re taking all the risks here. Go back to work, stop being so dependent on him. I’d say get married, as that legal contract would be the best protection […]. You need to put yourself and your child first because he certainly won’t.”

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Another person said, “I would be looking to get back to work full-time ASAP. He can ‘not like it,’ but he either needs to give you financial security [so] you can be a stay-at-home mom, or you need to get yourself paid employment. He can’t eat his cake and have it.”