NEED TO KNOW
- A woman recently told a friend, “I don’t want to end up like you” after the friend told her to “lower” her standards with men
- She went on to say that the friend is in a bad marriage with an unpleasant man
- The friend is no longer speaking to her, and the woman is now unsure if she did the right thing
A woman recently told a friend, “I don’t want to end up like you” in the middle of an argument, and she’s wondering if she crossed a line.
The 22-year-old detailed her story on the “Am I the A——?” forum on Reddit, a place where people can go to get input and advice on interpersonal issues.
In her post, the woman said that she befriended a woman named Rachel three years ago when they were both in college. Rachel met a guy named Max two years ago, and they “quickly began dating.”
“He isn’t the most pleasant guy to be around in my opinion,” the woman admitted, adding that “they had quite a few big arguments during the relationship.”
“He even tried to flirt with me, and I told Rachel about it, but she dismissed it, saying he was probably just trying to butter me up so I [would] help him with homework,” she continued. “He has told some sexist jokes in the past, too. Whenever they fought, I always told Rachel she deserves better and to break up with him, but in the end they always made up.”
The Reddit user said that Rachel and Max got married four months ago, and that Max “became even worse” in that time.
“He never helps out with cleaning or cooking, doesn’t really take Rachel out on dates anymore, and whenever she tries to talk to him about it, Max tells her to stop complaining about ‘wife’s duties,’ “ the woman explained.
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She went on to say that Rachel recently asked her if she’d like to go on a date with a guy she knew from high school who recently became single. The woman — who said she has always been single and is very content on her own — agreed to the outing.
“I’ve never been on a date before, so I agreed out of curiosity,” she explained.
However, the date was a bust.
“We went to a nice restaurant. The guy never asked me a single question about myself […] and after I got tired of coming up with questions about him, we just sat the rest of the meal in awkward silence. We split the bill, and after he walked me to the subway station, he tried to kiss me. I declined as politely as I could and went home,” she recalled.
The Redditor said that Rachel confronted her about the date the following day and asked why she “rejected” the guy.
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“I told her the reasons,” the woman said, at which point Rachel, “rolled her eyes and said that I need to lower my standards because I’m honestly not that attractive, that I blew maybe my only chance to date and if I continue like that I’ll end up forever alone.”
The woman said she “got angry” and ultimately told Rachel, “Better to be forever alone than end up like you, with a husband that doesn’t respect me.”
She said that Rachel started crying and claimed she was only trying to “look out” for her — and added that they haven’t texted or spoken since.
“Honestly, I’m not sure if I want to salvage this friendship after finding out this is how Rachel felt about me all this time,” she reflected. “However, I feel guilty for saying this to her when I knew it was a sore spot, and also for kinda blaming her for the fact that her husband is awful.”
“So, AITA [am I the a——] in this situation?” she asked at the end of the post.
The woman’s fellow Redditors were quick to tell her that she was in no way wrong to assert herself in this specific situation.
“NTA [not the a——] AT ALL,” one person said. “Good for you for sticking to your standards, you have a good head on your shoulders. Keep up the great work!”
“She is in a toxic relationship and she knows it,” another Redditor said. “She might be jealous of you as well — your confidence and self-worth. Don’t get dragged down into the dirt.”
Several others said that they thought the woman should seriously consider whether the friendship is worth maintaining.
“This isn’t a friend. This is a deeply damaged person with low self-esteem who wants to make you as miserable in a relationship as she is so that she can commiserate with you. Honestly, I’d slowly exit this ‘friendship.’ Sometimes you outgrow your friends and need to leave them behind so they don’t keep you there with them,” one person said.
“Please distance yourself from her or anyone who reasons like her,” agreed someone else.
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