Judy Blume Became ‘Ritualistic’ Worrying About Her Father’s Health, Calling Her Mindset a 'Terrible Burden for a Young Child'

Blume has spoken on several occasions about the presence of anxiety in her childhood

NEED TO KNOW

• Judy Blume has been open about seeing her mom, Essie, struggle with severe anxiety in daily life
• The author told biographer Mark Oppenheimer about a period where she started to see something similar in herself
• Oppenheimer delves into the different eras and areas of the author’s life in Judy Blume: A Life

Judy Blume saw signs of anxiety in herself at a young age.

In Judy Blume: A Life, journalist Mark Oppenheimer examines the author's childhood, which included a period where the family relocated from New Jersey to Miami to help improve her brother's health. While the move ultimately didn't stick, Blume said during the family's time in Miami, she worried about her father, who had to stay behind in New Jersey and would come visit the family on weekends when he could.

Blume explained to Oppenheimer that she felt concerned because "Two of his brothers died at forty-three. Forty-three was the bad year. If only he could make it past forty-three, everything would be okay."

As he approached that age, Blume admitted, "I worried terribly. I became ritualistic. If I did this or that fifty times, my father would be safe," she shared.

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"I made bargains with God. I would get a 100 in my spelling test if he would keep my father safe. I felt it was up to me to keep him alive and well… A terrible burden for a young child. I never told anyone what I was thinking or feeling. Never. It’s a wonder I had any energy left.”

In July 1959, however, Judy's father, Rudy Sussman, died of a heart attack while spending time at home with his family. Of the difficult moment, Oppenheimer writes, "Judy knew what was happening. All the bargains that the little girl in Miami Beach had made with God—they had failed. Her father, who had already lost two brothers to heart attacks in their forties, had made it to fifty-four. Now, with his beloved daughter’s wedding less than a month away, his time had come."

During a 2023 profile in Variety, Blume would explain that she incorporated those conversations and that "bargaining" feeling into Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret.

“When I look back at it now, I think the wonder of it is that I didn’t become so ritualistic. I had to say the little prayer that I invented a certain number of times a day, and that’s ritualistic. But ritualistic kids are kids who become anorexic, or …” she trailed off as she explained herself to the outlet.

"I was so lucky that when I went back home in fifth grade, that was the end of it," she added, noting that her mother would struggle with more severe anxiety as her life went on.

“I was thinking about this the other night, how they have meds for that now. For when you leave your apartment, and you don’t remember if you turned the stove off. My mother was ritualistic — OCD, probably. She had to go back inside three times to check and make sure," she shared.

"She told me that every night before she went to sleep, she had to think of all the terrible things that could happen to her loved ones, and then they wouldn’t happen. A hard way to go through life.”

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