NEED TO KNOW
- After years of bringing thoughtful gifts to her nephews’ birthdays, one mom quietly stopped and was stunned when the family finally took notice
- Her kids’ celebrations were barely acknowledged, but the moment she pulled back, she was accused of being “petty” and punishing children
- Now, she’s questioning if she let years of hurt get in the way, or if she was simply standing up for her kids when no one else would
A woman is turning to the Reddit community for support after a family birthday tradition left her feeling unappreciated and hurt.
“Over the past few years, my nephews have had several birthday parties,” the 34-year-old mom writes in her post. “We’ve always been invited, and I used to bring gifts every time.”
But when it came to her own children’s birthdays, she says the effort was never returned. “I started noticing that when it’s my kids’ birthdays, their parents never bring anything, or even acknowledge it,” she explains.
What may seem like a small oversight began to feel deeply personal. “My kids don’t even get a ‘happy birthday’ from them,” she shares.
She adds that this has been going on for years, and now, the imbalance has worn her down. “It’s started to feel very one-sided,” she admits. “Their parents (my brother and sister-in-law) are often cold and dismissive toward me and my kids.”
This year, she decided it was time for a change. While she still attended her nephew’s birthday party, she deliberately chose not to bring a gift. “I decided I wasn’t going to keep doing something for people who clearly don’t return the effort,” she writes. “I still went to the party — but didn’t bring any gifts.”
The decision sparked immediate backlash. Not long after the party ended, her phone began lighting up. “After the party, I got a bunch of texts saying I was being petty and ‘you don’t punish kids for adult problems,’ ” she says.
One Reddit user asked how her relatives even knew about the gift situation and the mom explained, “It was mostly my parents who texted me. I’m guessing my brother and SIL told them I didn’t bring gifts, because they weren’t at the party themselves.”
She says her parents didn’t hold back, either. “They said I was being rude and setting a bad example, and that ‘the kids shouldn’t be punished for adult issues,’ ” she shares.
“Maybe I should’ve separated the kids from how I feel about their parents,” she confesses, clarifying that her kids’ birthdays have never been ignored by anyone else on her side.
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Her post has drawn a range of reactions from fellow Reddit users. One person writes, “It’s common decency to bring the children gifts. Why is it OK for you to bring their children gifts, and your brother doesn’t give anything to your children on their birthdays? I would stop too. It’s about mutual respect.”
Others, however, question her approach. “The mistake you made was going,” another commenter says. “If you go, you bring a gift. They are children.”
The mom remains torn. She admits she’s still unsure if she let her emotions get the better of her. “It’s kind of ironic that no one said a word when my kids were the ones being overlooked for years,” she writes. “But the moment I stop bringing gifts, that’s when it’s a problem.”
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