NEED TO KNOW
- One woman says her mother-in-law has become such a “third wheel” in her marriage that she’s contemplating divorce
- In an anonymous Reddit post, the woman writes that her husband’s mom often crosses boundaries, inquiring about their sex life and making passive-aggressive jokes
- But perhaps what’s worse, she writes, is that her husband defends his mother’s actions
A woman says she feels like “the third wheel” in her own marriage due to her overbearing mother-in-law.
In a post shared to Reddit, she writes that she is now contemplating divorce.
While she explains that there were “no big incidents” with her husband’s mother prior to her marriage, she says his mom now seems “very resentful of me.”
She goes on to explain the myriad of issues she’s facing, writing that her mother-in-law has crossed boundaries repeatedly. In one instance, the woman asked if the couple uses protection — and her husband responded by sharing “parts of our sex life,” telling his wife it was “normal” when she said she felt violated.
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She adds that her mother-in-law often makes her the butt of passive-aggressive jokes and dismisses her interests, like a love of books.
Elsewhere in the post, she writes that her mother-in-law engages in “weird emotional competitions” by telling her she will always love her son the most and regularly calling her husband to cry and vent.
“She regularly calls crying and venting, even when he’s overwhelmed with grief after his father’s death. She never seeks therapy, and expects him to be her emotional support system. Last week she called him while he was at work because the wifi wasn’t working. Mind you, at her house two people were around including an IT guy. She said she ‘didn’t want to bother them.’ But my husband? Sure,” she adds.
Noting that she’s from a different country, she adds that her husband’s mother also makes occasional “xenophobic comments,” and other problematic remarks.
“Once we were discussing a true crime case with his parents. His dad said if his son ever did anything to his partner, he’d be the first to turn him to police. MIL was silent, so FIL asked what was going on. She said dead serious she wouldn’t. And she’d find a way to help him get out of that because it was her baby. Gave me the chills that she’d say something like that,” she writes
But the real problem, she writes, is that her husband defends his mom “constantly.”
“He says there’s ‘no bad intention,’ that his mom is ‘just being herself,’ and I’m ‘too sensitive.’ He minimizes my feelings and seems more concerned about her well-being and not upsetting her than how I feel,” she adds.
She continues: “I’m starting to feel invisible. Like I walked into a family where I’ll never be truly welcomed. And even though I love my husband, I’m wondering if this is sustainable. This is really taking a toll on me. I don’t even feel like being intimate with him because I don’t know what he will tell his mom… And I don’t want to be a third wheel for them.”
Now, with the holidays coming, she writes that she’s thinking of asking him for a divorce.
She ends her post with a question to other Reddit users, writing, “Any advice on how to approach the divorce talk and make it as calm as possible to retrieve my belongings? Am I overreacting?”
Others on Reddit don’t seem to think so.
Writes one commenter: “I have a low tolerance for jellyfish so if he can’t grow a spine I’m done. I don’t need [my] home to make me miserable. You don’t owe anyone a reason or explanation because I’m sure you’ve had the same argument a million times with [no] change. Get everything important out and send him an email once you’re out.”
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